IVF (2)

As my last post implied, I was concerned with my low follicle numbers.

I go in for the egg retrieval, my hopes high that there would be at least one viable embryo produced from my 4 mature follicles.

My doctor came to my bed afterwards and said that he had bad news. I know he is a very hopeful kind of doctor, so for him to say that meant really bad news. No eggs found in the follicles. Nothing to work with at all. He said this has happened to him maybe 1 time a year out of the 500-600 egg retrievals that he does. I did some quick middle school math and realized that was 0.2% of the time. (Less likely to happen than my getting cancer at 28, which was a 1 in 250 chance, 0.4% likely. Fred says that the Lord either really hates me or really loves me. )

The doctor said that I should be extra fertile for the next few months and to keep trying naturally of course and then to schedule a follow up appointment to talk to him again in a few weeks. (Not sure if we'll do that.)

It means that we were reimbursed for the up front payment for the ICSI (which is the putting of the sperm into the eggs) and for the PGD (the chromosomal testing of the embryos before they are put back in) and for the rest of the IVF cycle. I'd have rather gotten the money back at this point than done all of that work on the two embryos that might be made. My numbers were so low.

The lady going into egg retrieval after me said to the nurse that she had 14 follicles in each ovary. I had a measly 4 in total.

Of course, I went home and got online to try to figure out what this "no eggs" thing meant. It has a name, Empty Follicle Syndrome, and that refers to whenever an egg retrieval is done and less than half of the follicles result in the aspiration of eggs. I guess it is a little mysterious. It can happen if your hCG trigger shot is given incorrectly or at the wrong time. (But they did a blood test before the retrieval that proved that I had taken it correctly, lots of hCG still flowing through my blood.) It can happen if you are old and out of eggs, not my case either since I've been pregnant as recently as January. I guess it is also the result of doctor error. This doctor is so prolific in his work and has been working at this for so long that I don't think that was my case either. It can also be that the eggs are already chromosomally damaged and they have trouble detaching from the sides of the follicles and are almost impossible to get out surgically. I think this was probably my case since my previous pregnancies have resulted in chromosomally abnormal fetuses.

I have been thinking about other things now. Egg donation. Embryo adoption. But not fully. I still think that we can have our own babies if we try a bit more, naturally. In a year or so, I guess we'll think further about more things. After our savings account has recuperated from this current blow.

IVF

Alas,

I have been trying the IVF. A whole new experience. Not so fun.

For those of you who have no idea what this is, I'll give a quick explanation. (The teacher in me just loves to explain things!)

When a couple is having trouble making a baby, for whatever reason, maybe the woman can't get pregnant or is having repeated miscarriages, or they are just getting older and watching the clock tick faster and faster, IVF is a way to take things into your own hands and increase the odds that you will have a pregnancy.

The procedure stimulates the growth of the eggs in the ovary, the doctor goes in and takes out as many eggs as grow big enough, then injects the sperm into the eggs to make embryos, then after a few days the healthy embryos are placed into the uterus and hopefully pregnancy happens.

If you are suspect about the health of the embryos you can choose to have each embryo tested before it is put in to see if there are chromosomal abnormalities. I am going to do this because I have already had 2 miscarriages that were the fault of abnormal embryos, as well as 2 chemical pregnancies, also probably the fault of chromosomal abnormalities.

Firstly my husband and I had to do lots of blood tests, I needed a sonogram, he needed to have his sperm analyzed, I needed to get my immunology looked at and adjusted a bit. The fertility doctor had to check to see how many resting follicles that there were in my ovaries, he saw 9. (not a lot) Secondly, I started to take injectable drugs. For the last 9 days I have been taking 6 shots a day into my stomach (given by myself, 3 in the morning and 3 in the evening). One of the drugs is to stop ovulation and the other two drugs is to stimulate the resting follicles to grow. Basically my ovaries have been feeling constipated, which they are!

Today, we went in to see how the follicles were progressing. Alas, there are only 5 that are of a largish size and that will probably be retrievable. The expectation is that maybe 1/2 of those will become embryos when all is said and done. When you are 36 as I am, 2/3 of the eggs have chromosomal abnormalities, so when you do the math, there may or may not be any healthy embryos made at all.

We were hoping to have twins and be done (a very scary hope I know, as twins are supposed to be tons of work) but it is now looking like we'll be really lucky to even have one healthy embryo to put in. And once it is put in, who knows if it will take root and grow or not.

So, it was a frustrating morning. We're trying not to think of the statistics and likelyhood of things not working when the numbers are so low and praying that there will be at least one healthy embryo and that it will be successful.

I'm restless, hoped writing this would make me work through things more in my brain.

Whole 30- Much later

So, it's been a while since I've written.

I was a little mad at the Whole 30 when I finished because I lost only 3 pounds, and then after the trip to Florida, I gained 2 back. Alas.

It was probably unreasonable for me to expect that I'd lose a lot, since I've been already eating a very practical diet for a long time, the weight watchers for a while and then watching still closely since then. But I was a little annoyed.

Since the whole 30 ended, I've been making adjustments to it. I eat whole fat dairy products, as milk in coffee, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, high quality cheese. My stomach doesn't mind that at all.

I eat grains much less frequently, a bagel or french toast on the weekend when we go to breakfast. Or a hamburger bun or rice or corn tortillas when we go out to eat. Not that big of a deal. My stomach doesn't much like the bagels, they feel very heavy for about 3 hours. (But there is this amazing salmon platter at Barrone that I can't do without, so I have it every few weeks.)

Otherwise, close to Paleo at home and not as close eating out.

It feels good, my digestive system is functioning really well.

My normal breakfast is a 2 egg omelet with spinach, tomato and some cheese, with a small cut up avocado on the side with green salsa on top. Very tasty and keeps me filled for about 5 hours.

Then a small lunch, maybe roasted vegetables, or chicken salad.

Dinner is usually some paleo dinner that I make. I have found lots of good websites with recipes.

I notice that when I have some sugar I usually want more. I like dessert and crave it sometimes. But not usually more than once a week or so.

I have begun to see grains kind of like sawdust. A filler with almost no nutritional value. So, I try to fill myself with vegetables, fat, meat, protein, and high fat dairy, so that whatever that goes in does have some value. I may do the whole 30 again, it seems like a good idea to reset things, remind myself that the dairy, no matter how much I love it, is not necessary. I can live without many things in my diet. I guess it reminds me that I control what I eat and doing something strict is possible and healthy.

Whole30 - Day 22

I keep thinking how I am going to plan out my diet after the 30 days are over. Whole30 is meant more as a strict intro to Paleo, or a periodic re-commitment than a lifelong eating plan. But, as time goes on it gets both easier as I find more and more things I enjoy eating, and harder as I just want a treat and realize that the only sweet thing I can have is fruit. So yesterday I bought a pineapple and ate half of it!

I so miss coffee with cream. I've basically stopped drinking coffee because it is really bitter without cream and a little sugar. All I've read about paleo in the last few weeks, it seems that dairy is something that can be reintroduced if you are not intolerant to it, but on a lesser basis. Butter and cream because they are mostly fat and not lactose and then small amounts of cheese, can be added back in. I'm looking forward to that.

I have also found some interesting recipes for pancakes made with coconut flour or bananas that I'd like to try as well.

I am definitely losing weight! Who knows how much because I'm not allowed to weigh until the end of the 30 days, but I bought my first pair of size 8 pants since college. (That's over 12 years ago.) I am feeling slimmer all over and that is really nice.

Fred and I watched a documentary on Netflix called FatHead, where a man eats out 3 meals a day at fast food restaurants for 30 days and loses 12 pounds. Not with salads either, but with burgers and sausage sandwiches. He stayed under 2000 calories a day and kept the amount of carbohydrates under 100 grams, but his fat content was very high, over 100 grams a day. They referenced Good Calories, Bad Calories as well and it was great for me to see some of the examples illustrated out and explained more simply. I was glad Fred saw too. Eating fat helps your body get what it needs to burn. Eating starches and sugars increase your insulin and make your body turn them into fat and then store them instead of letting them out for your body to burn for energy. Very interesting. Helps me understand why I am still losing weight now even though I've about quadrupled my daily fat intake since starting paleo. And, nope, not "good fats" but all fats. Seems we have been duped by the government's agriculture pushing diet suggestions. (No one needs 6-11 servings of grains a day!, turns out I am needing no servings a day and am alert and upbeat and consistently energetic all day.)

Whole30 - Day 15

We just had our first away time while on this new diet. We were in Carmel. The best western had tons of carbs for breakfast, so I had an apple and an orange and some cashews that I brought from home. Then we ate at our favorite place there, Belle www.carmelbelle.com for two meals yesterday. I had the polenta with everything, except the polenta. :) Which was roasted tomatoes, stir fried mushrooms, a poached egg, to which I added another egg and a side of roasted asparagus. SO delicious, then for dinner, I had the rotisserie chicken, avocado and tomato salad with bacon, alas, hold the blue cheese. Also SO delicious.

I had an americano, which is an espresso with hot water. Not as bitter as black coffee and at least it warmed me and made me feel like I was having a little treat.

I miss cheese!!!!!! So much. You know it comes with almost everything on every menu and is the most delicious thing in the world. I see it in my future in a mere 15 more days.

I am also excited to start up again with cream for the coffee.

That's what I miss most. Not breads or crackers or cakes or muffins. Just cheese and cream. Also, butter.

We had our grocery shopping day today. I made nomnompaleo's AMAZING baked broccoli with bacon. I followed the recipe and used two heads of broccoli. The flavor of the bacon permeated all of the broccoli and I feel like I could eat all of it right now! But I won't as I want some for later. I am roasting some tomatoes in the oven for garnishes for the next week's egg and chicken dishes. I also made some delicious salsa for garnishes as well. This is a variation of a recipe from a friend of mine named Lilliana who is from Colombia. She makes this much every week and it is excellent on tacos and chips.

Salsa:

5 tomatoes - chopped tiny

1 sweet onion - chopped tiny

1/2 bunch cilantro - chopped

2 jalapenos - seeded and deveined and chopped

4 scallions - chopped tiny

Juice of 2 lemons

1 tsp of garlic powder

salt

vinegar - maybe 4 tablespoons, I used cider just because wine, and rice vinegars are not allowed, and I'm out of regular.

olive oil - maybe 4 tablespoons

I'll top my eggs with this as well as almost everything else this week. So delicious.

So, things are going well.

I'm still alert and awake all of the time. No sluggishness or drowsiness. Not sure about weight loss as I'm not allowed to weigh myself until the end, but I think maybe 3 pounds so far. Things seem tighter (not clothes, but areas of my body), I'm sure the CrossFit workouts are attributing to that too.

It is so strange to say no to yourself as often as this diet demands. I was walking through San Francisco with visiting family and I thought, hmmmmm, shall I have a latte at Starbucks? no What about some small cinnamon donuts from the pier? no What about some ice cream? no What about anything at all in this entire bakery? no. It gives you a sense of power, but then also can be frustrating. Power because you realize you are in control of what you eat and saying no isn't going to kill you. Frustration because isn't it just lovely to eat some ice cream or have a latte while walking around? It's just 30 days. Then I'll have to figure out what I can do next.

Whole 30-Day 9

My acupuncturist said I should eat one cup of brown rice a day after I told her all about the Whole30 diet. I was actually surprised, thinking that she would have other concerns about it. I have added the brown rice, but only that, and so it may not really be the Whole30 anymore, but if there is a baby that is more important. I feel though that I am still on it and am behaving that way except for the rice.

It is a lot of cooking. But I try to do a lot in advance for the week.

For Breakfast I made a fritata:

I chopped onion, red pepper and zucchini and stir fried them,

Then I added 6 beaten eggs and cooked it for a little bit and finished it off in the oven.

It's good with green tomatillo salsa on top.

It should last 4 days.

For Lunch I made chicken salad:

I used "Just Chicken" from Trader Joes

Chopped it small and added mayo and dijon mustard and tarragon

Then I dice an avocado half and put the chicken salad on top

I top with some reduced Balsalmic Vinegar and a few roasted cashews for crunch

It will last 4 days as well.

For Dinner I made chili:

With a recipe from theclothesmakethegirl.blogspot.com

It will last for 2 days for dinner for both husband and I, and probably an extra meal or two for myself or some to freeze.

What I've learned so far:

Make sure to eat as suggested before and after workouts, Tuesday and Friday were the only days that I've had a bit of a headache since starting the diet. I don't think I ate enough quickly enough after the workout and got a little weak.

Eat before leaving the house:

We were going to a couple fair type events this last weekend and I made sure that I had eaten enough before so that I would be full during and not crave all the things that weren't allowed. The day that I did not eat enough, I had a Lara bar (Cherry Pie, only has cherries, figs and pecans) but still was hungry. Fred and I split a sausage with onions and peppers. Of course my half didn't include the bun, but it kept me going until we could get to Chipotle :)

How I feel:

Awake and alert all of the time. It must be different from before or I wouldn't notice it right?

Whole30 - Day 5

I am trying to gauge how I am feeling differently as I am in day 5 of my Whole30 restricted diet journey.

I feel more alert, from the moment I wake up, and throughout the day. I have more energy and pep and get bored faster and like to move more.

My stomach feels good, never too full or heavy feeling, but satisfied and satiated until the next meal, usually about 4-5 hours.

I did have some headaches on Tuesday and I think it was because even though I ate until I was satisfied for breakfast and lunch, overall it wasn't enough food to fill me up. It turns out I have to go a little past full if I have some engagement that will keep me from eating for a 4 hour chunk of time.

The ingredient thing definitely takes some research, it turns out that the mayo I'm using has soybean oil and the roasted cashews have some rice oil. I'm going to make some of my own mayo for the future and watch those ingredients more closely while shopping.

I do worry that I will forget about the diet and accidentally pop something into my mouth.

It is also two days after my first official Crossfit exercise routine at Crossfit Palo Alto. Wow, I can't think of a muscle group that wasn't used. It is all sore.

I fully agree with their philosophy of getting fit using movements that are part of daily life and not isolating certain muscles and working them in a way that won't happen naturally. So, no crunches happened but my obliques are feeling fully exercised from the other stuff we did.

It was interesting watching my stamina in relation to the other women in the class. I sure felt like a wimp and that I let myself give up and stop way too easily. Many of them pushed themselves much harder and were much more sweaty and exhausted looking afterwards than I was. I need to be more committed to give it my all when I'm there.

I think someday I'll start my own blog of foods and recipes I've made so that the blog can be more useful than just as a journal for myself.

I did have chicken salad over avocado a number of times for lunch this week:

Chicken Salad:

Shredded cooked chicken - I used Trader Joe's "Just Chicken" from the refrigerated section

Dijon Mustard - Mix in a bit

Mayo - Mix in until desired consistency

Dried Tarragon - Add

I made up a bunch and then used it over three days for lunch putting it over a diced avocado half and then drizzling it with a little balsalmic vinegar.

Whole30 - Day 2

Yesterday was my first day on the Whole30 diet. It was an eating out all day type of day, as Sunday's usually are for us.

At Chipotle I had: The Salad Bowl, with lettuce, chicken, steak, salsa, guacamole and fajita vegetables. Quite Tasty.

At the Mediterranian Grill: I had Chicken, tomato and cucumber salad, baba ganoush, and some pickles and radishes. Also yummy.

It was nice to know that in the evening I could have had a nice cup of tea, but I wasn't hungry for it, so skipped it.

I stayed full between meals for about 4-6 hours.

Today is Day 2.

Food:

I tried a recipe for bacon and strawberries http://www.tabatathis.com/?p=423 which was very tasty but felt like it had a lot of fat in it. I drained a bit but my stomach feels a little heavy.

For lunch I will make a simple chicken salad and put it in an avocado.

I figure for snacks I can have an apple or a banana with some almond butter on top.

For dinner we are going to have steak and a sweet potato salad from my Moosewood cooks at home Cookbook.

I had coffee with almond milk in it, which isn't too terrible. I do miss my little teaspoon of sugar.

Feel:

At the end of yesterday I felt good, the kind of full that is pleasant, leaves me not craving anything.

Whole30 - Intro

My last entry was about the weight watchers. Well, we've had a couple of trips since then, to New York, Home for the Holidays, and Hawaii! My weight crept back up a little bit and those last 5 pounds I've been trying to get rid of won't seem to go a way.

I exercise a lot and most everything seems to be trim-ish and not too bad looking. But it is so frustrating to feel like I am following the rules to Weight Watchers and am still staying exactly the same plus or minus one pound. Actually I've gained 2 pounds since the return from Hawaii.

So, I decided to try something else. I read the great book "Women, Food and God" TWICE it was so informative.

I got a lot from the guidelines at the end of the book and since reading it have stopped weight watchers counting and have been trying to just eat what my body wants when it wants it. And most importantly not to eat past being full. (Maybe not so surprisingly, I eat a very similar amount to when I was on Weight Watchers. It's just nice not to keep count of everything and to try to listen to my body.)A more mindful eating approach. I don't want to ruin it for you, I SO suggest reading the book. It made me think so much about how much I eat and why.

I thought that would help with the last 5 pounds, but nope. Here they still are, mocking me. I was finally to the point that I thought, "Well, I guess this is the weight I'm supposed to be, and I should learn to be happy with it."

Then I went to a Crossfit location in Palo Alto, as an introductory class, with a friend from my bible study. They mentioned nutrition as such an important base for good fitness and said they use the Whole9 eating program. I went to the website, curious, and found a pretty strict paleo diet suggestion for 30 days. They call it the Whole30. After reading the testimonials and giving it some thought, I decided to try it.

Let me say that I love LOVE dairy products and have tried a few times before to cut back on them and have not been successful.

This 30 day diet weans you from many food groups and you see how you feel afterwards and decide what you want to reintroduce based on the way your body feels after being free from that food group and the way it feels after reintroducing it.

It is nice that it is 30 days only and when I think about what I am missing, I know that I can have that item again real soon. I wonder, based on the testimonials though, if I will want the foods I am taking out when I'm done with the month.

The plan:

No sugar of any kind - real or fake

No alcohol

No grains - including corn and whole grains

No dairy - of any kind, including butter

No legumes - including peanuts

No white potatoes

No processed foods

It seems very similar to the Atkins diet, except without any fruit restrictions. Not that I've ever done the Atkins diet. So, of course I have all of the concerns I've heard related to that diet. What about the lack of carbs? Will I get headaches? Can my body still work well without grains? Aren't all three, Proteins, Fats, and Carbohydrates needed? Of course there are some carbs in nuts, and fruits, which I'll still eat.

I was thinking though, regarding grains, which is my only health issue with this. Of course lots of people all over the world live without dairy and they are fine. We all know sugar and alcohol aren't good. But what about grains? Most Americans eat white processed grains, white bread, white rice etc... Those have no nutrients at all. So, isn't not eating them about the same as eating them? And isn't not eating them making more room in my stomach for more vegetables, fruits and meat? Which do have nutrients.

I also read "Good Calories, Bad Calories" which had me fully convinced that the Atkins diet was based on great scientific research and is the best way to retain muscle while dieting and is also a great lifestyle way to eat.

So, I'm giving it a try.