Baby is almost here!! She could come whenever she wants I expect but it is better for her to stay all of the way to the end. (The end is August 30.)
It is getting a bit more awkward. Sometimes it is hard to walk because her head is jammed into my pelvic bone. Sometimes 5 minutes after peeing, she starts to push her hands into my bladder and I have to pee again. Such a strange feeling. After our flight to our Babymoon in the south, in June, my ankles and feet have started swelling and no matter how long I try to keep them raised, they seem to stay swollen. The only shoes that fit now are the Birkenstocks with the straps loosened to the last holes. It is challenging to bend over and to close the door to the car once I've gotten in and to pull my feet up high enough to put my pants on. I can't reach my tennis shoes to tie them when I go to the Y without grunting. But, I have no back pain, no food aversions or cravings, no queasiness or nausea, not bad hemmorhoids, not bad indigestion, not bad constipation and, based on all the crap that could be bothering me, am pretty lucky.
I'm getting good exercise though. I go to the Y on Mondays for strength training, Wednesdays for Aqua Aerobics and Sundays for Prenatal Yoga. I do my perfect pregnancy workout video on Fridays. It is one tough video. My weight is pretty good, so far 27 pounds, which is within average as per my graph which allows 3 pounds the first trimester and an average of a pound a week thereafter. I'm only 2 pounds over my dashed line.
My boob is apparently looking better according to my OB. I read a very inspirational article about a woman who breastfed her 5 children, 2 of whom were a set of twins, with one working breast. It gave me lots of hope.
We hired a doula to help out with the birth. She will come when I call and help me to know when to go to the hospital as well as help me throughout the birthing process with pain relieving techniques and advice and calming ways. It has relieved so much of my fear of the birth and I am hoping to not use an epidural. My doctor is skeptical about all of this though, I think she things epidurals are great and why not use them. But from what I've read, it takes you from being an active participant in your labor to being a patient who has to have lots of stuff attached and is basically stuck in the bed lying down the rest of the time and I want to move about and feel things and help baby out with my positioning etc... Of course I am not in the midst of any birthing pains right now and may feel very differently when the time to make the decision really comes. But right now, I am hoping to not do the epidural and I know the research shows that the Doula helping out makes that much more likely to happen.
I'm staying pretty well informed, reading 4 pregnancy books and "The happiest baby on the block" as we prep the apartment for baby's arrival.
We have the changing table and the co sleeper and lots of Ikea storage stuff for everything I'm getting from my showers. Got the yoga ball to sit on when I get too restless on the chair with my feet up. Practicing my flylady techniques to keep the apartment clean and dust free and to get the cluttered areas cleaned up so that the nesting that's supposed to kick in soon shouldn't be too bad.
All is well!
Also, think I didn't mention in the 20 week stuff that we have a name picked out.
Emily Katherine Gilbert.
mKat for short.
Initials EKG.
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Pregnancy!!! - 20 weeks, 2 days
I suppose after the somber craziness of the post the other day, I should update. The doctor called and none of the biopsies showed cancer, and the skin scraped from the nipple had some bacteria. Which made him rethink the infection hypothesis. So, he put me on antibiotics and we cancelled the follow up "open breast biopsy" for now. Thank the Lord, I was not looking forward to that at all. If the antibiotics work and the boob is no longer swollen, warm to the touch and reddish, then yay! all in the clear. If not, we reschedule the crappy biopsy and keep looking for cancer.
Good news so far.
Going to have another ultrasound on Monday, hope it is still alive, and is still a girl. :)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Pregnancy!!! - 20 weeks
A few weeks ago my left (not the one that had cancer) breast became a bit pink/reddish and felt warm to the touch. I noted to mention it to my OB, but was not that concerned, as I expected craziness in the boob area as pregnancy brings that on.
When I showed her, however, she said it did not look normal. That it looked like a breast that was nursing and had become engorged and infected. She mentioned a CANCER SURGEON, which I thought was weird. We scheduled an ultrasound. Of course the ultrasound people wanted all of my previous MRI and Mammogram results. We were in the midst of acquiring all of that information on CD from my previous institutions as I did more research.
Ah, the anxiety provoking internet.
It seemed that I either had a breast infection, not a big deal and treatable with antibiotics, OR the signs of Inflamable Breast Cancer. That is a bad, BAD cancer that usually has spread by the time you found it and has 25-50% 5 year survival rate, and high recurrence rate. I was very scared.
After getting back in touch with the OB, she suggested that I go straight to the cancer surgeon and look into a biopsy and second opinion since that kind of crappy cancer can really only be seen with a biopsy anyways and the ultrasound would only show "suspicions that need to be followed up on" as every scan seems to do with my history and waste time.
So, I called the surgeon's office yesterday and he made time to see me that same afternoon! He seemed perplexed. He didn't think that it was Inflamable Breast Cancer (which is good, since it has such a bad prognosis) but he didn't think that it was an infection either. The nipple had some crusty stuff on it and was somewhat misshapen. This was abnormal, and possibly a sign of DCIS, an in situ cancer that has not left the ducts or spread and is therefore not nearly as threatening as many other kinds of breast cancer. He said that we should first do a couple biopsies and scrape the nipple (!!! ow) for skin and test those things first. If no cancer is found, then we would do an OPEN BREAST BIOPSY (which sounds really scary, hence the capital letters) in the surgery center (as lactating breasts bleed a lot and he didn't want to do that in the regular office) and then if that was negative, we wouldn't worry. We tentatively scheduled that for next Thursday.
I had the biopsies and nipple scraping today. He must be great at the numbing, because the only part that hurt was the numbing needles (which always hurt, because duh, you're not numbed yet). I was SO worried going in today, that it would hurt like crazy, as all of my other biopsies have. But, I was pleasantly surprised that it did not. Although a few hours later it is starting to hurt.
I'm sick of cancer and boobs and worry. I guess I should get the genetic testing done so that we'll know more about how likely it is to come again as well as how closely to watch the ovaries. I feel like cutting everything out (ovaries) and off (boobs) after baby number 2. The anxiety is a lot to handle.
It has been nice having so many people pray for me though. I let my bible study ladies know, as well as other friends and have felt lots of loving support.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Pregnancy!!! - 15 weeks
So, finally pregnant.
We'd decided to try plan B by the summer. A dear friend said she didn't mind being an egg donor for us and we thought it would be great if at least one of us could be genetically involved in the baby before trying adoption.
But I was putting off all of the work involved. We would have to find a lawyer and have papers drawn up and signed by both parties. I was also worried about the egg retrieval, whether it would hurt her or not, she was offering to do this and I was so impressed. I was relieved to have a plan B, so many people just try and try and try and get more and more discouraged, but we had a second option and I was getting more used to it. I was going to write a children's book about it helping to explain it to my kid early. My heart was not fully in it yet, but I was trying.
One of the hard things to take was admitting that the kid wouldn't have me in it at all. Not my eyes or my nose or my (I must say a gift from my mom) perfect toes.
But a plan B was better than no plan.
But, it seems unnecessary!!!!!!
I am now 15 weeks pregnant.
Of course very trepidatious as we approached the 8 week ultrasound appointment as the last two showed an almost empty placenta just sitting there. I was shocked to see a heartbeat! Such hope. (And savings as the egg donation, IVF procedure would have costed about 30k.) I knew (from my extensive online research) that the risk of miscarriage was down to about 2-3 percent now. Then at the 10 week ultrasound down to 1% and now at the 13 week down to less than 1%.
But still lots of people faithfully let me know about their or their sister's or friend's much later miscarriages. In the 18th or 20th or 24th week. Making it seem normal and very plausible. I smile and admit I'm still nervous. BUT PLEASE STOP TELLING ME!
The nausea has about left, mostly. And it was not that bad after all. I've always been nervous that my pregnancy would be like my mom's. She kept no food down for almost the first 6 months. Always weak and throwing up and feeling terrible. But, nope. I had some nausea from week 9 - 14 and it is about gone now. Only one incident of throwing up, after an ill conceived desire to drive down the twisty Route 1 to San Simeon and then eating a pretty heavy dinner. Ugh.
The stomach is getting bigger and the pants getting snugger. I've had to invest in looser yoga pants, from Target and the Goodwill. And ask a few folks for their old pregnancy clothes. I could buy new ones, but why? I checked out Craig's List too, there are options.
A little back pain the end of the first trimester but that is actually subsiding a bit, when I had expected it to continue and worsen the whole 9 months!
I've been tracking my weight on a nicely drawn graph in a little notebook. Only 6 pounds the first trimester, which I think is pretty good.
I got a great pregnancy exercise video (ha ha about 2 years ago in anticipation at the library book sale for $2), The Perfect Pregnancy Video. It is amazing, so well done and makes me sore for two days afterwards. I need to do it more than one time a week, but so far for the last three weeks have only done it once a week. I also go to the Y and do a very short strength workout on a few machines, seated row, pull down bar, overhead press, chest press and leg press, once a week. It takes about 12 minutes and I've not missed a Y workout for the last 4 months. (Body by Science)
I've also walked either once or twice a day for 30 minutes around the neighborhood. I hope this is keeping me in moderately good shape.
I asked the Y and they said that they will watch your kid while you workout for up to 2 hours a day!!! That seems like a great way to schedule some relaxation time into my week once the baby comes.
Still subbing a bit. The days that I do, I usually need a nap, even when it is an easy day.
I'd say all is well!
Friday, July 30, 2010
5 months
So, it's been about 5 months since I've written in my dear old blog.
What is my purpose in the blog? What does it accomplish? Who is out there reading it?
So, if the purpose is to write because I like to write about stuff and then like to look back later to see how I eloquently and artistically put my thoughts and frustrations, can't that be enough. Sometimes you don't know what you think until you write it. Kind of a log of sorts detailing a period of time. Certainly more convenient than a journal that you have to physically write in. That takes forever and gives me finger cramps and my thoughts are so much faster than my ability to handwrite. I always feel like I am missing lots of things while I wait for my hands to finish up my last sentence. Then I worry about the handwriting and how it started out neat at the beginning of the new journal and now looks like chicken scratches and how will I be able to read it anyways in a year or two, provided that I keep the journal and don't get rid of it as clutter.
So, over the last 5 months what has happened:
I got pregnant. April 29 was the first day of my last period. I was hoping as you know and working on the get pregnant thing for about 7 months and was waiting for that period to start at the end of May. And then it didn't. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. A few days later I took it again and there was a faint second pink line. I called my mom immediately (after waking up Fred to tell him) and then a week or so later I told my father in law, while he was in the car with his parents and my mother in law. He was so excited. Grandma kept asking if I was sure. I think back a few decades ago no one was really sure until the 3rd month. hmmmmm.
I bought every book. The baby book, the illustrated day by day guide to pregnancy, the month by month guide and the week by week guide. I kept up with all of them. People would say, don't read everything, you might get overloaded with information, just use them as references. Crazy, I thought. Read them all cover to cover but not too far ahead so that I don't expect things that aren't happening yet. I adjusted my exercise a little but was still faithfully doing aerobic activities and QiGong and long walks. The baby was going to be here February 3ish. I was telling people the beginning of February so that when things didn't happen on the date I wouldn't get tons of phone calls asking if it'd happened yet.
I had scheduled a doctor's appointment for Thursday, after Fred and I took an anniversary trip to Carmel. Lots of dreams and thoughts and baby lookings around. Rescheduling our holiday not to visit home because I'd be 8 months pregnant in December and couldn't travel.
At the doct0r's appointment, I told them I was 9 weeks pregnant and they looked at their little chart and verified that it was true. (I did learn something from all of those books.) When the doctor put the wand inside to get an ultrasound picture, there was a little grey blobby thing, sort of a fuzzy version of what an earlier week should look like. The doctor started saying, "oh friend" in a sad way and I asked, "did I have a missed miscarriage?" (I had read the books.) and he said yes. The blobby thing had stopped developing at week 5 and nothing was happening. No fluttery heartbeat, no little movements. It was dead.
He had the other doctor come in and look and they both agreed. Then he gave us some suggestions. I could take a pill and then another one and it would cause the body to push out the baby (we called it the little blueberry, before Thursday) within the next 24-48 hours, or I could take one of the pills and come back a little later in the day and he could do a D&C, which means scrape/suck out the baby. It would be better because I wouldn't have to deal with the bloody gushing on my own over the toilet (I read the books.) and then it would be over and they could test the baby for chromosomal stuff. Basically if there was something wrong with the baby that would be good, it is common that when a fetus has a big problem that the body rejects it. If there was nothing wrong then maybe it was my body's fault. But of course if it was my body's fault I expect that it will happen over and over and over again. As it has to a few of my friends.
So, no baby anymore, and lots of changed plans and differing plans and adjusted dreams. I hate when the plans all change. Now what?
So, I'm looking for a teaching job again. I do miss kids so much and miss their effect on me, and my effect on them. They make me happy and I make them happy. That has to be good right? Even if I got pregnant again really soon the baby wouldn't be due until after the end of the school year so why not?
I've applied to one job that I have high hopes for, in a k-8 school about 9 miles from me. I'm praying about it. When I emailed the contact person today she said that the principal is paper sorting through the applicants and that the position hasn't been fulfilled yet. I'll know it all in the next week or so as school starts for teachers the following week. I look really good on paper and I also interview well, so my hopes are up, but no call yet.
I missed writing. My fingertips are getting numb and my fingernails are clacking on the keys and I guess this is enough for now.
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