New Year 4

Home and My Contribution to the World.

I just read over my last few New Year entitled entries and am so happy I wrote them. Sometimes you don't know what you are thinking until you write it down and then reread it to yourself. I just realized. That in itself is a good reason to have a blog. Alas, you can see that I am not writing every day. Should I change my goal to "not every day" or "a few times a week" or just keept it at every day and try to make myself do it. It is something I listed as being proud of. BUT I am not in that stage yet of my new year process and need to think on the last two of the eight items.

Home
what worked in 2009: We have a very small apartment with only one bedroom. When we moved here we decorated and have added a bit here and there, but now it is full. Not so much to say about it. I have a "sort of" cleaning schedule, Mondays, bathroom, Tuesdays, Kitchen, Wednesdays, Floor, Thursdays, Straightening. But I don't know if I've ever actually stuck to that schedule even for one week. I do keep things basically straightened.
I had an epiphany regarding dishes. We unfortunately don't have a dishwasher and as many couples, roommates know, dishes are a hassle. I decided with Fred that if we were both working, and I cooked, he would do the dishes. I am not working now but still thought Fred should be responsible for the dinner dishes. I guess I hate seeing a woman slaving over dinner and then having to do clean up too. It makes me mad and feel like the man is not respecting her efforts. Well, then, now I am not working and we had a discussion about our expectations. I decided that I could change my opinion if I wanted to. I could decide that Fred respects me and my cooking efforts, even if I do the dinner dishes (since I have had not worked all day as he has). So I changed my thoughts and now it doesn't bother me at all. Interesting. We don't have to be a slave to our long formed opinions, we can change them.
what sucked: Nothing sucked, the apartment is fine, so close to downtown and pleasant, I love it.
what I learned: That I can change my opinions and choose to be happy if I want to.
what I want to change : I can see that things will be crowded with a baby (whenever the baby wants to show up) so we may need to change apartments when that happens. But, unfortunately our income will go down and rents are expensive here. It would be great if we could all manage to smush in together in the apartment we already have. I can read books on space planning and learn to create storage etc..... we'll see.

My Contribution to the World
what worked in 2009: I'm not sure how I contribute exactly, or what it means to contribute. I don't give to charity, or volunteer (although I have been called about volunteering at the library and will start next week :) )(Just can't bear to leave off the end parenthesis even though the smiley face adds confusion.) I feel like being myself might be my contribution. Does that sound strange? I remember the people who cared for me in school or while I was in college. A good friend had me over to her house whenever I was lonely and gave me food (and once combed my head lice out) and let me do my laundry. Teachers have cared for me over the years, sometimes with smiles, or pats on the back, or believing in me. It is those things that I feel are my contribution to the world. I did it as a teacher, cared for my kids. I do it now, having friends over for lunch, or lending a listening ear, or contributing my comments to my women's bible study. I care for people, whenever I can.
what sucked: Not being able to teach anymore was sucked. Maybe in my future though, I will get to teach again. I was at the Mediterranean Grill last week and a member from the school board where I used to teach waved me over and talked to me for a minute. She asked me if I was teaching now and I told her no, that I've looked but not found anything yet. She told me that she heard from many parents that I had changed their kid's lives with my teaching and she hoped I would still continue to teach. It was heart warming.
what I learned: I don't think that a contribution needs to be huge or expensive or outward to be meaningful. To give of myself means a lot.
what I want to change: Nothing comes up.

I have been writing for about 1/2 hour and it seems that that is all my brain can take. I also have a headache today that makes me feel a little groggy. Is that an early sign of pregnancy????? We'll see in a few days I guess.