I am reading a book called "The No Experience Necessary Writer's Course". It has some nice short chapters and includes 24 exercises to help me become a writer.
The first is as follows:
Imagine that you are downtown in a major city during rush hour. Suddenly a woman walks toward you, holding a bag. She meets your eyes, smiles, hands you the bag, and says, "Here you go." Before you can say or do anything, she turns and walks off.
My husband and I were visiting Manhattan for the first time. We were staying at a small hotel very close to times square and taking long walks every day. I was impressed by so much, the deli's all over the place, the lights, the sheer volume of people on the sidewalks, the street vendors, artists, mimes, taxis. It was a little overwhelming and exciting. I thought about all of the movies and television shows I had seen that had been filmed in this very city, or in Central Park.
We had just visited a little deli and shared a pastrami sandwich and were walking on the sidewalk when I saw a woman coming towards us. On sidewalks so filled with people, I wouldn't have noticed her especially except that she was making eye contact with me and smiling. Of course, not normal for the big city. I had lived in Chicago, I knew not to make eye contact with strangers.
She transferred her purse from her shoulder to her hand and held it out towards me as she smiled. I wondered what she was thinking. It was a pink patent leather slouchy purse, quite big and bulky, not bad looking actually. She stopped and I made a confused face, and she handed me the bag, saying "Here you go." Before I could ask her what was going on, she disappeared into the crowd.
The situation, being in the middle of the day, did not seem to be dangerous and the lady did not look suspicious, but I had no idea what to do with the bag. Should I open it? Should I toss it into the garbage can as I passed by? Was it meant to be for me personally? She could have given it to anyone, so why me?
My husband thought I should immediately drop it to the ground and leave it there. Why would a stranger give me a bag? Definitely a strange situation.
I thought I should look inside. What if it had treasures inside? Diamonds and gold, or unmarked bills to be spent on whatever I wanted?
The bag was not as heavy as you might think for its size. I put the purse to my ear to make sure it was not ticking (I do watch the news.) and it was not. It was also not moving or making any noise, nothing living inside, no cat or small dog. I shook it a little, not a puzzle either.
I saw a small piece of an envelope sticking out of one of the side pockets. I pulled it out. It was addressed "To whomever is now carrying this purse". I opened it and pulled out a plain sheet of lined paper. It read: "You are the lucky receiver of this pink purse. You are being filmed for a television show from hidden cameras. The contents of this purse are yours to keep as long as you tell us what you plan on doing with them." I looked around and the lady reappeared. She walked up to us with outstretched hand and said "Hi, I am Julie from the Style Network's, What's in the Purse. Because you did not drop the purse or throw it away but seemed to wonder what was inside it, you now get to keep the contents."
"Okay" I said smiling. I had given a meaningful look at my husband when she mentioned throwing the purse away. I slowly opened the purse and saw cash surrounded with a little band with 10,000 dollars written on it, some jewelry boxes, a gift card to Nobu restaurant (I love Sushi), an invitation to spend 3 complementary nights at the Ritz Carlton at Central Park, a gift card to some clothing stores and a beautiful digital camera. Julie told me that the only stipulation was that I must use everything in the bag before returning home.
We called our friends who were watching our cat and asked them to watch her for a few more days. My husband e-mailed work to let them know that he needed a few extra days off. It was a wonderful vacation. It is also surprisingly easier than you would think to spend 10,000 dollars.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
What I've Learned (1) - Don't give up
Fred and I have both recently read a book called Outliers. We liked it a lot. It is full of chapters on different topics all related to how people become successful. That it is not just luck but some underlying factor that has helped make them successful. A great book. Fred thought that I should write something similar on what I have learned from teaching.
There are a few things I've learned, so I will write them periodically in my blog in short segments.
Don't Give Up
My first teaching assignment was kindergarten in a public school in Columbus, Ohio. I had my bachelor's degree in elementary education from the University of Illinois at Chicago, which is supposed to prepare you to teach kindergarten through 8th grade. (I now understand why most colleges split it up into early childhood education from K-3rd grade and then intermediate from 4th through 8th. But that was not the case where I went to school.) Needless to say, I felt wholly unprepared for kindergarten. Unfortunately in Columbus at that time, many teachers had to sub for years before they could find a position, there were lots of new teachers coming out of Ohio State and it was very difficult to find a job in the flooded market. I had applied all over, to everything I could find and then thought I might as well sub in the Columbus Public Schools until I could find something full time. I thought it might give me an in. During my interview, I was offered a teaching position, but I wouldn't know what or where it was until a week before school was to start. I was so excited I accepted, but was worried later when I realized that it could mean anything from kindergarten through 8th grade, anywhere in the city.
I received a kindergarten position.
Wow. Teaching kindergarten was the hardest job I have ever had. I was expected to introduce basically everything that was on the 4th grade proficiency test to the little kindergarteners. They were to know by the 6th week of school all of the number combinations that added up to 12, yet many of my little ones, barely turned 5 could not tell the difference between a number and a letter. I tried to teach them the required fractions and variables and to read, but it was a struggle the whole year.
On top of the required academics I was to teach, there was the issue of management. Something sorely lacking in most education programs. I had no idea how to control a class.
Luckily I had an assistant in the room who had either volunteered or assisted in kindergarten classes for 15 years and I depended on her for a lot. I remember many afternoons as I would ask her about all of the things I had done wrong that day and she would continuously reassure me that I was a good teacher. I needed it. I was going home every day fully drained. I had no energy even to pick up a book to read, but had to unwind to the Simpsons for an hour after school. My poor husband who was working from home as a contractor wanted a hug and stimulating conversation when I got home from school and all I could say was "no touching, no hugging, must sit down."
I tried everything I had learned and read to try to learn more about management throughout that year. The parents of my students would get phone calls, or receive behavior logs that had to be signed every night, or hear about withheld recess. I tried about 10 different management plans that year. There was the red, yellow, green light on the board, with different consequences for movement from one color to another and rewards for staying on green. I experimented with daily behavior logs that I kept, a piece of paper for each student that I carried with me on a clipboard all day, with every transgression that a kid could think of doing, next to which I would put check marks and require a parent signature at the end of every day. I used time outs and a separate area of the room for calm down time. There was one student who would get to the end of my discipline plan, already missing recess and getting a call home, by 9am. What could I do that would work?
My mentor teacher (Ohio provided mentor teachers to come in and observe and meet with me 20 times that first year of teaching.) had never taught kindergarten and would give me an exhaustive list of everything I had done wrong and the misbehaviors of all my students and how I should get things together every other week or so. Luckily she came right before gym and I could have 20 minutes to cry before I had to retrieve the students.
Things turned around somewhat when I had a psychologist come to sit in on class for a while to observe a student who may have needed extra help. She told me that I was doing a great job and listed things she had observed that proved to her that I was a wonderful teacher. I almost wept with relief. She also mentioned a book I should read called "Teacher and Child" by Haim Ginnot. It changed the way I talked to the kids and was so full of wisdom. I have read it a couple of more times as I have taught other grades and used the advice daily.
I have observed many other teachers at the 4 schools where I've taught and have noticed that some give up. They think that kids are just the way they are. They are disrespected daily, laughed at, not listened to, and they think that is normal. They just learn to ignore it.
I never got that way. I think it started my kindergarten year, when I tried one discipline plan after another until I finally figured out how to manage lovingly and wisely. It is maybe harder to push back and expect more from kids, but it is worthwhile for their learning and my own self-respect.
After 7 years of teaching, I have never fully figured it out. How to have a caring classroom, with everyone feeling respected. I believe that teaching is one of the most difficult professions. But, still don't give up, and keep the expectations high.
There are a few things I've learned, so I will write them periodically in my blog in short segments.
Don't Give Up
My first teaching assignment was kindergarten in a public school in Columbus, Ohio. I had my bachelor's degree in elementary education from the University of Illinois at Chicago, which is supposed to prepare you to teach kindergarten through 8th grade. (I now understand why most colleges split it up into early childhood education from K-3rd grade and then intermediate from 4th through 8th. But that was not the case where I went to school.) Needless to say, I felt wholly unprepared for kindergarten. Unfortunately in Columbus at that time, many teachers had to sub for years before they could find a position, there were lots of new teachers coming out of Ohio State and it was very difficult to find a job in the flooded market. I had applied all over, to everything I could find and then thought I might as well sub in the Columbus Public Schools until I could find something full time. I thought it might give me an in. During my interview, I was offered a teaching position, but I wouldn't know what or where it was until a week before school was to start. I was so excited I accepted, but was worried later when I realized that it could mean anything from kindergarten through 8th grade, anywhere in the city.
I received a kindergarten position.
Wow. Teaching kindergarten was the hardest job I have ever had. I was expected to introduce basically everything that was on the 4th grade proficiency test to the little kindergarteners. They were to know by the 6th week of school all of the number combinations that added up to 12, yet many of my little ones, barely turned 5 could not tell the difference between a number and a letter. I tried to teach them the required fractions and variables and to read, but it was a struggle the whole year.
On top of the required academics I was to teach, there was the issue of management. Something sorely lacking in most education programs. I had no idea how to control a class.
Luckily I had an assistant in the room who had either volunteered or assisted in kindergarten classes for 15 years and I depended on her for a lot. I remember many afternoons as I would ask her about all of the things I had done wrong that day and she would continuously reassure me that I was a good teacher. I needed it. I was going home every day fully drained. I had no energy even to pick up a book to read, but had to unwind to the Simpsons for an hour after school. My poor husband who was working from home as a contractor wanted a hug and stimulating conversation when I got home from school and all I could say was "no touching, no hugging, must sit down."
I tried everything I had learned and read to try to learn more about management throughout that year. The parents of my students would get phone calls, or receive behavior logs that had to be signed every night, or hear about withheld recess. I tried about 10 different management plans that year. There was the red, yellow, green light on the board, with different consequences for movement from one color to another and rewards for staying on green. I experimented with daily behavior logs that I kept, a piece of paper for each student that I carried with me on a clipboard all day, with every transgression that a kid could think of doing, next to which I would put check marks and require a parent signature at the end of every day. I used time outs and a separate area of the room for calm down time. There was one student who would get to the end of my discipline plan, already missing recess and getting a call home, by 9am. What could I do that would work?
My mentor teacher (Ohio provided mentor teachers to come in and observe and meet with me 20 times that first year of teaching.) had never taught kindergarten and would give me an exhaustive list of everything I had done wrong and the misbehaviors of all my students and how I should get things together every other week or so. Luckily she came right before gym and I could have 20 minutes to cry before I had to retrieve the students.
Things turned around somewhat when I had a psychologist come to sit in on class for a while to observe a student who may have needed extra help. She told me that I was doing a great job and listed things she had observed that proved to her that I was a wonderful teacher. I almost wept with relief. She also mentioned a book I should read called "Teacher and Child" by Haim Ginnot. It changed the way I talked to the kids and was so full of wisdom. I have read it a couple of more times as I have taught other grades and used the advice daily.
I have observed many other teachers at the 4 schools where I've taught and have noticed that some give up. They think that kids are just the way they are. They are disrespected daily, laughed at, not listened to, and they think that is normal. They just learn to ignore it.
I never got that way. I think it started my kindergarten year, when I tried one discipline plan after another until I finally figured out how to manage lovingly and wisely. It is maybe harder to push back and expect more from kids, but it is worthwhile for their learning and my own self-respect.
After 7 years of teaching, I have never fully figured it out. How to have a caring classroom, with everyone feeling respected. I believe that teaching is one of the most difficult professions. But, still don't give up, and keep the expectations high.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Cat
I am Ibis, I am the cat that belongs to my wonderful daddy Fred (my favorite) and my mommy Laura (who is okay, but not my favorite).
I have a little bed near the window that is fluffy and soft. It is under a stool that holds some plants. I like to curl up there in a ball and sleep. It is comfortable. But my mommy likes to pull the bed out from under the stool and then scoop me up out of a deep sleep and carry me around the house upside down and give me kisses on my tummy and my head and I hate it. I have to clean all of those spots again and arrange all of my fur when she is done.
Other times she starts saying "hi kitty" and making the voice that means she is going to pick me up again, but I am awake and can run and hide under the bed or just roll over on the floor and bite her if she comes too close. I don't bite too hard, she usually doesn't bleed much. If my daddy notices that I am about to bite her he says "Ibis" loudly and sternly and I have to get up and go somewhere else until he isn't looking again, but she usually stops trying to pick me up as well.
Whenever the refrigerator opens, I think about the carton of milk in there and enticingly prance into the kitchen and give a hopeful "meow" to see if the person at the fridge will give me some of the milk in my bowl. I am a beautiful cat (the vet said) and usually get my way. I have large olive green eyes and big ears and I keep my fur as soft as a rabbit. (I'm not sure what a rabbit is, but my mommy said that is how soft it is.)
I also like to sit at the kitchen table when one or both of my parents is sitting there. If they are not paying attention I try to drink out of their glasses or pick some food off of their plates. But usually I just sit there and look out of the window, studiously ignoring them, yet at the same time, always knowing exactly what is going on.
When my parents are watching television, I like to sit on the lap of the person on the recliner chair. I like best when my daddy is sitting there because he doesn't bother me by petting me all of the time or trying to rest his hands on me. My mommy on the other hand will give me kisses and absently pet me as she is watching television and it bothers me to no end. I give her a warning look before coming in for a quick nip bite and sometimes she doesn't notice the look and continues to pet me anyways. She even will pick up my shoulders and look at me and say "I am your mommy and I bought you at the store and I feed you, so I can pet you and smush you all I want." which usually ticks me off more and as soon as she lets up on her hold I jump off of her lap and go back to my comfortable bed.
I like to eat early in the morning. So I try to wake up my mommy to feed me. I meow loudly and tickle her face with my whiskers, or rub my nose on her arm. She may wave her arm at me or try to grab me but I am faster and will run (stomping across her body) off of the bed until she is not moving and I can come meow at her face again. If she wakes up, she will need to use the bathroom and then she will usually come into the kitchen and feed me as well, so my ploy has been working wonderfully. To make sure that she has not forgotten me once she has used the bathroom, I will run to the kitchen and periodically turn my head to see that she is following and meow more and more loudly until I can see the decision has been made. Then I will roll over onto the kitchen floor and get petted for a while until the food comes. I am purring, but not because of the petting, but because of the impending food.
I like to look out of the windows, they are low enough to the floor that all I need to do is push through the blinds with my nose to see out. There are other cats in the world and one lives outside. It is grey and has a bell on its neck. (Strange.) It will come right up to my window and roll around in the dirt and make faces like it is free and so happy to be outside. I don't go outside, it is scary and big and full of strange things. Plus, I'm not allowed. But when I see that other cat, I wish I was outside. I tend to get angry and throw myself at the glass while the other cat is laughing at me.
I have a little bed near the window that is fluffy and soft. It is under a stool that holds some plants. I like to curl up there in a ball and sleep. It is comfortable. But my mommy likes to pull the bed out from under the stool and then scoop me up out of a deep sleep and carry me around the house upside down and give me kisses on my tummy and my head and I hate it. I have to clean all of those spots again and arrange all of my fur when she is done.
Other times she starts saying "hi kitty" and making the voice that means she is going to pick me up again, but I am awake and can run and hide under the bed or just roll over on the floor and bite her if she comes too close. I don't bite too hard, she usually doesn't bleed much. If my daddy notices that I am about to bite her he says "Ibis" loudly and sternly and I have to get up and go somewhere else until he isn't looking again, but she usually stops trying to pick me up as well.
Whenever the refrigerator opens, I think about the carton of milk in there and enticingly prance into the kitchen and give a hopeful "meow" to see if the person at the fridge will give me some of the milk in my bowl. I am a beautiful cat (the vet said) and usually get my way. I have large olive green eyes and big ears and I keep my fur as soft as a rabbit. (I'm not sure what a rabbit is, but my mommy said that is how soft it is.)
I also like to sit at the kitchen table when one or both of my parents is sitting there. If they are not paying attention I try to drink out of their glasses or pick some food off of their plates. But usually I just sit there and look out of the window, studiously ignoring them, yet at the same time, always knowing exactly what is going on.
When my parents are watching television, I like to sit on the lap of the person on the recliner chair. I like best when my daddy is sitting there because he doesn't bother me by petting me all of the time or trying to rest his hands on me. My mommy on the other hand will give me kisses and absently pet me as she is watching television and it bothers me to no end. I give her a warning look before coming in for a quick nip bite and sometimes she doesn't notice the look and continues to pet me anyways. She even will pick up my shoulders and look at me and say "I am your mommy and I bought you at the store and I feed you, so I can pet you and smush you all I want." which usually ticks me off more and as soon as she lets up on her hold I jump off of her lap and go back to my comfortable bed.
I like to eat early in the morning. So I try to wake up my mommy to feed me. I meow loudly and tickle her face with my whiskers, or rub my nose on her arm. She may wave her arm at me or try to grab me but I am faster and will run (stomping across her body) off of the bed until she is not moving and I can come meow at her face again. If she wakes up, she will need to use the bathroom and then she will usually come into the kitchen and feed me as well, so my ploy has been working wonderfully. To make sure that she has not forgotten me once she has used the bathroom, I will run to the kitchen and periodically turn my head to see that she is following and meow more and more loudly until I can see the decision has been made. Then I will roll over onto the kitchen floor and get petted for a while until the food comes. I am purring, but not because of the petting, but because of the impending food.
I like to look out of the windows, they are low enough to the floor that all I need to do is push through the blinds with my nose to see out. There are other cats in the world and one lives outside. It is grey and has a bell on its neck. (Strange.) It will come right up to my window and roll around in the dirt and make faces like it is free and so happy to be outside. I don't go outside, it is scary and big and full of strange things. Plus, I'm not allowed. But when I see that other cat, I wish I was outside. I tend to get angry and throw myself at the glass while the other cat is laughing at me.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
International Competition
My dear friend Elena suggested regarding my blog that I have some intent before writing each entry and that I use better punctuation! She thinks that I need to be writing more stories and not just run of the mill entries. I think she has a point. Although I am very proud of myself for writing every day. Yay Me! And I won't let lack of intent periodically keep me from continuing to write every day. But, whenever I can think of one I will try to write a story.
I had a wonderful Wonderful few days this last weekend at our chorus's coaching retreat with Betty Clipman. She is my favorite coach ever. We had a whole shift in our thinking from the director being in charge to us taking charge. We watched some award winning choruses from international competitions past to see the difference between the director pulling the songs from the chorus and the chorus taking charge of itself and then practiced it ourselves. Wow. It was great.
So, instead of writing about my weekend (even though I may have just done that), I'll put in a short story of a new Sweet Adeline attending her first international competition and listening to us sing! (In the first person.)
I looked up from my special international guidebook and my detailed picture of the costume of the chorus that just finished performing. The next chorus was taking the stage, smiling really big and looking bigger than life.
It was my first international competition. I had a few newly made chorus buddies rooming with me and we had about 10 seats together for our chorus to have for our own. The stage was off to our right a bit but the jumbo trons were in great view. I listened to the starting note as I turned to my friend and chorus buddy and asked her about the chorus. She said that they were from California and had placed in the top ten a few times years ago, but not much recently. I knew that many choruses competed every other year when they won their regional competition.
My chorus had been third in our region's competition. I remembered the heart beating intensity as I had listened to our place being called. Third overall but first for the mid-size chorus division. We had jumped from our chairs screaming and hugging each other and then received the medals from their tangled up ribbons on the wrists of a fellow member.
We had very little hope of getting to compete on the international stage ourselves. A few really large choruses in our region made it almost impossible for us as they interchangably won every other year, even though people said it was not impossible for a chorus of 60 members to beat out choruses twice our size. It had apparently been done before, but only once.
As I began to sketch out the costume onto the little stick figure comparing it to our chorus costume in my mind, the Bay Area Showcase Chorus began to sing.
It was the ballad (that means the slower, more melodic sappy of the two songs.) Something about remembering a lost love. I remembered my old boyfriend from high school. We had split long ago, but I still thought of him sometimes. I began to get goosebumps on my arms and turned to smile at my friend. She smiled back and I knew we were listening to something special. I almost couldn't breath for the rest of the song. So much was coming to my mind all at once, and yet I was focusing on the words of the song. There were lovely soft parts and resounding emotional parts. Wow.
I jumped up with the rest of the audience and clapped for a long time, and then sat back down as the pitch was blown for the up-tune.
It was exciting and fun and happened so fast. My mouth hung open as the chorus ended the song and the room was filled with sound. I jumped up again.
Wow, I said to my friend, that was the best one yet. I quickly sketched in the rest of the sparkly flippy dress with the swishy collar as I glanced up to see the next chorus take the stage.
I had a wonderful Wonderful few days this last weekend at our chorus's coaching retreat with Betty Clipman. She is my favorite coach ever. We had a whole shift in our thinking from the director being in charge to us taking charge. We watched some award winning choruses from international competitions past to see the difference between the director pulling the songs from the chorus and the chorus taking charge of itself and then practiced it ourselves. Wow. It was great.
So, instead of writing about my weekend (even though I may have just done that), I'll put in a short story of a new Sweet Adeline attending her first international competition and listening to us sing! (In the first person.)
I looked up from my special international guidebook and my detailed picture of the costume of the chorus that just finished performing. The next chorus was taking the stage, smiling really big and looking bigger than life.
It was my first international competition. I had a few newly made chorus buddies rooming with me and we had about 10 seats together for our chorus to have for our own. The stage was off to our right a bit but the jumbo trons were in great view. I listened to the starting note as I turned to my friend and chorus buddy and asked her about the chorus. She said that they were from California and had placed in the top ten a few times years ago, but not much recently. I knew that many choruses competed every other year when they won their regional competition.
My chorus had been third in our region's competition. I remembered the heart beating intensity as I had listened to our place being called. Third overall but first for the mid-size chorus division. We had jumped from our chairs screaming and hugging each other and then received the medals from their tangled up ribbons on the wrists of a fellow member.
We had very little hope of getting to compete on the international stage ourselves. A few really large choruses in our region made it almost impossible for us as they interchangably won every other year, even though people said it was not impossible for a chorus of 60 members to beat out choruses twice our size. It had apparently been done before, but only once.
As I began to sketch out the costume onto the little stick figure comparing it to our chorus costume in my mind, the Bay Area Showcase Chorus began to sing.
It was the ballad (that means the slower, more melodic sappy of the two songs.) Something about remembering a lost love. I remembered my old boyfriend from high school. We had split long ago, but I still thought of him sometimes. I began to get goosebumps on my arms and turned to smile at my friend. She smiled back and I knew we were listening to something special. I almost couldn't breath for the rest of the song. So much was coming to my mind all at once, and yet I was focusing on the words of the song. There were lovely soft parts and resounding emotional parts. Wow.
I jumped up with the rest of the audience and clapped for a long time, and then sat back down as the pitch was blown for the up-tune.
It was exciting and fun and happened so fast. My mouth hung open as the chorus ended the song and the room was filled with sound. I jumped up again.
Wow, I said to my friend, that was the best one yet. I quickly sketched in the rest of the sparkly flippy dress with the swishy collar as I glanced up to see the next chorus take the stage.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Babies
I am scared of having a baby.
Sometimes, on television shows and when talking to friends with children, I see and hear about how stressed moms get. I think, it must not be that hard right? The kid can take some of his or her own time and chill while I get the things done that I need to do.
One friend told me that it took a few months to begin to shower again every few days instead of only once a week because she couldn't get a minute to be in the bathroom. Really. Is it that bad?
I was with a friend and her baby today and was watching.
Basically I have not that much to do in life right now. I exercise, clean a little, cook a little and read and watch TV. I stay up a little late, but then don't get up until 8-9, so I get a good 8 hours sleep.
Her little one (one year old) was toddling around the kitchen, almost trying to position himself underneath her feet as she was preparing lunch. Then when she was feeding him, he was rejecting everything. I think a kid could cause me to be very tired and pretty impatient.
Then I see teenagers and preteenagers around their parents. Oh MY. Are they every respectful? I remember myself and how much I thought that I was right and my parents were all wrong. I was not that respectful and did not listen. And I was a pretty good kid.
I'm scared of having a teenager too.
But Fred and my parents tell me I will be a great parent. Hmmmm.
I have read up on the subject. A few great books are "How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so they will talk" and "Parent and Child". I've also mostly raised my kid sister from the age of 0-6, who was born when I was 12. Sometimes she still calls and says "Hi this is Rachel your daughter" and I have to laugh and remind her that we are sisters.
But what about when they push your buttons or have a personality that is exactly the same as mine? Will I lose all reason and become a crazy person, and totally revert to the way I was raised instead of all I've learned over the years?
Plus, I'm so old. I'm 34 and if I have a kid, I'll be over 50 when she is 16. My mom wasn't 50 until I was 30 and had been moved out of the home for 12 years. It's all strange. But I can't imagine what life would be without having kids either. It is the natural flow of things. You mistreat your parents and then have kids so they can mistreat you etc.... etc....
Sometimes, on television shows and when talking to friends with children, I see and hear about how stressed moms get. I think, it must not be that hard right? The kid can take some of his or her own time and chill while I get the things done that I need to do.
One friend told me that it took a few months to begin to shower again every few days instead of only once a week because she couldn't get a minute to be in the bathroom. Really. Is it that bad?
I was with a friend and her baby today and was watching.
Basically I have not that much to do in life right now. I exercise, clean a little, cook a little and read and watch TV. I stay up a little late, but then don't get up until 8-9, so I get a good 8 hours sleep.
Her little one (one year old) was toddling around the kitchen, almost trying to position himself underneath her feet as she was preparing lunch. Then when she was feeding him, he was rejecting everything. I think a kid could cause me to be very tired and pretty impatient.
Then I see teenagers and preteenagers around their parents. Oh MY. Are they every respectful? I remember myself and how much I thought that I was right and my parents were all wrong. I was not that respectful and did not listen. And I was a pretty good kid.
I'm scared of having a teenager too.
But Fred and my parents tell me I will be a great parent. Hmmmm.
I have read up on the subject. A few great books are "How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so they will talk" and "Parent and Child". I've also mostly raised my kid sister from the age of 0-6, who was born when I was 12. Sometimes she still calls and says "Hi this is Rachel your daughter" and I have to laugh and remind her that we are sisters.
But what about when they push your buttons or have a personality that is exactly the same as mine? Will I lose all reason and become a crazy person, and totally revert to the way I was raised instead of all I've learned over the years?
Plus, I'm so old. I'm 34 and if I have a kid, I'll be over 50 when she is 16. My mom wasn't 50 until I was 30 and had been moved out of the home for 12 years. It's all strange. But I can't imagine what life would be without having kids either. It is the natural flow of things. You mistreat your parents and then have kids so they can mistreat you etc.... etc....
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Diet
So, you all know that I have been trying to lose weight. Even just to keep up with my dear husband, who is loosing weight about 4 times faster than I am. He is now a mere 4 pounds heavier than I am. He is also 2 inches taller. Now, don't get me wrong, he looks very svelte and very nicely proportioned. It is a little annoying that he thinks it is so easy to lose weight now though. For me, for whom it is not easy at ALL.
I have lost a total of 6 pounds this summer. It has been the result of many things I believe. One is doing the 8 minutes of weight bearing exercise in the morning. From Jorge Cruz's book 8 Minutes in the Morning. After reading all 300 or so Amazon reviews of the book and practicing the diet aspect of it for a while, I find it useful for the exercises only. I also have been on my stationary bicycle for 30 - 40 minutes almost every weekday morning. I have been walking 1/2 hour a day, since walking uses different muscles than bicycling. (Let it be known that I have no job, which gives me all this time to read lots of books, and exercise this much.)(If I had a job, this would all be out the window and I would have a lot more stress.) I also have been doing the QiGong DVD mentioned in an earlier post at least 3 times a week.
I have been watching my diet as well, but mostly after reading Mindless Eating. Which is the point of this particular blog entry.
I don't feel at all deprived, just more in tune with how I feel on the inside. I have come up with three goals for the next month. He mentions that when you do something 28 days, it becomes a habit, so I have a check list for the three things I will be working on to help myself "mindlessly" lose weight. Wansink's point in the book is that if we do most of our eating mindlessly according to habits we have built up over the years, seen our parents doing, etc... then we can mindlessly begin to lose weight by changing these habits a little at a time. He says that if you just cut down on 100 calories a day (36,500 a year, that would become) you will lose about 10 pounds in one year as it takes a 3,500 calorie reduction to lower your weight by a pound. I like this and don't really mind how long it takes if I become healthier in the whole process.
My three things to work on are as follows:
I will eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
I will ask myself mid-meal if I am no longer hungry and finish/pack up/put back in the refrigerator as necessary.
I will say to myself, whenever I am in the mood for a snack, "I am going to eat this even though I am not hungry" to assess whether or not that is the case.
Of course if I am hungry, I will have a snack, because eating more frequently if there are fewer calories involved is not a problem.
I am excited about this check mark system because it makes me feel like I am in control of what I am eating and how I am feeling. I will feel a great sense of accomplishment if I can check all three of my goals every day and it will have nothing to do with denying myself particular foods or counting calories, etc...
I'll keep you updated as I meet my goals.
I have lost a total of 6 pounds this summer. It has been the result of many things I believe. One is doing the 8 minutes of weight bearing exercise in the morning. From Jorge Cruz's book 8 Minutes in the Morning. After reading all 300 or so Amazon reviews of the book and practicing the diet aspect of it for a while, I find it useful for the exercises only. I also have been on my stationary bicycle for 30 - 40 minutes almost every weekday morning. I have been walking 1/2 hour a day, since walking uses different muscles than bicycling. (Let it be known that I have no job, which gives me all this time to read lots of books, and exercise this much.)(If I had a job, this would all be out the window and I would have a lot more stress.) I also have been doing the QiGong DVD mentioned in an earlier post at least 3 times a week.
I have been watching my diet as well, but mostly after reading Mindless Eating. Which is the point of this particular blog entry.
I don't feel at all deprived, just more in tune with how I feel on the inside. I have come up with three goals for the next month. He mentions that when you do something 28 days, it becomes a habit, so I have a check list for the three things I will be working on to help myself "mindlessly" lose weight. Wansink's point in the book is that if we do most of our eating mindlessly according to habits we have built up over the years, seen our parents doing, etc... then we can mindlessly begin to lose weight by changing these habits a little at a time. He says that if you just cut down on 100 calories a day (36,500 a year, that would become) you will lose about 10 pounds in one year as it takes a 3,500 calorie reduction to lower your weight by a pound. I like this and don't really mind how long it takes if I become healthier in the whole process.
My three things to work on are as follows:
I will eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
I will ask myself mid-meal if I am no longer hungry and finish/pack up/put back in the refrigerator as necessary.
I will say to myself, whenever I am in the mood for a snack, "I am going to eat this even though I am not hungry" to assess whether or not that is the case.
Of course if I am hungry, I will have a snack, because eating more frequently if there are fewer calories involved is not a problem.
I am excited about this check mark system because it makes me feel like I am in control of what I am eating and how I am feeling. I will feel a great sense of accomplishment if I can check all three of my goals every day and it will have nothing to do with denying myself particular foods or counting calories, etc...
I'll keep you updated as I meet my goals.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Diet
The next topic in my Writer's Block book is the word "Diet"
now, I know I've written about diets before, but I am determined to go through the writer's block book page by page whenever I am uninspired to write about anything in that day's blog.
I have a lot of complex craziness in my brain when the word diet comes up.
Who says that you have to be a certain size to be beautiful? Obviously there it is the fashion industry, the almost naked actresses on the television, the bikini clad on the Vegas commercials. It is refreshing to see actresses and singers that are not stick thin, but only because it is such a rarity. And even those who are not so thin, you can tell, would like to be, because they are always trying to find out how others do it. How they stay trim and eat at the same time?
I of course, being of american red bloodedness, would like to lose weight as well, would like to look beautiful, or at least not dimpled in the thighs, in a bathing suit.
So, beginning in high school, when I was enticed to join the cross country team, not because I had any interest in running but because the announcement over the intercom said "would you like better looking legs? Join the cross country team, tryouts after school today." I thought, yup, I'd like better thighs, so I joined.
Since then, it has been one exercise video after another, denise austin, kathy smith, billy blanks, running, walking, jumping rope, weights, and now QiGong and the exercise bike. Always fighting against the pounds.
I have never starved myself, I love food way too much. But I have had times of watching my eating habits, barely.
I tried the Zone diet when I was in my last year of college, as I noticed myself getting a belly. I think I lost about 10 pounds, but right after I got married, the month after college ended, I gained back 15. I am skeptical of diets, especially if I can't see myself continuing forever. I know yo-yo dieting is bad for the body and you usually gain back more than you lost, which was my experience with the Zone.
So, I've looked into things I can continue forever recently. After breast cancer (which they can't figure out why I got, it did not run in the family, I did not drink or smoke, or live an unhealthy life in any way, other than getting my period at the early age of 11, which is more and more common now anyways) I looked into becoming a more healthy eater. Have tried to increase my vegetables and a few good books "In defense of Food" by Pollan and the one I am just recently reading "Mindless Eating" by Wansink have been very helpful. I am much more conscious of labels and ingredients and fat content and calories and portion size. I am also (I think I've mentioned before) not letting myself feel denied of anything, but just watching how much I eat and trying to check with my stomach to see if I am full before I finish off whatever I am eating. It has been helpful.
now, I know I've written about diets before, but I am determined to go through the writer's block book page by page whenever I am uninspired to write about anything in that day's blog.
I have a lot of complex craziness in my brain when the word diet comes up.
Who says that you have to be a certain size to be beautiful? Obviously there it is the fashion industry, the almost naked actresses on the television, the bikini clad on the Vegas commercials. It is refreshing to see actresses and singers that are not stick thin, but only because it is such a rarity. And even those who are not so thin, you can tell, would like to be, because they are always trying to find out how others do it. How they stay trim and eat at the same time?
I of course, being of american red bloodedness, would like to lose weight as well, would like to look beautiful, or at least not dimpled in the thighs, in a bathing suit.
So, beginning in high school, when I was enticed to join the cross country team, not because I had any interest in running but because the announcement over the intercom said "would you like better looking legs? Join the cross country team, tryouts after school today." I thought, yup, I'd like better thighs, so I joined.
Since then, it has been one exercise video after another, denise austin, kathy smith, billy blanks, running, walking, jumping rope, weights, and now QiGong and the exercise bike. Always fighting against the pounds.
I have never starved myself, I love food way too much. But I have had times of watching my eating habits, barely.
I tried the Zone diet when I was in my last year of college, as I noticed myself getting a belly. I think I lost about 10 pounds, but right after I got married, the month after college ended, I gained back 15. I am skeptical of diets, especially if I can't see myself continuing forever. I know yo-yo dieting is bad for the body and you usually gain back more than you lost, which was my experience with the Zone.
So, I've looked into things I can continue forever recently. After breast cancer (which they can't figure out why I got, it did not run in the family, I did not drink or smoke, or live an unhealthy life in any way, other than getting my period at the early age of 11, which is more and more common now anyways) I looked into becoming a more healthy eater. Have tried to increase my vegetables and a few good books "In defense of Food" by Pollan and the one I am just recently reading "Mindless Eating" by Wansink have been very helpful. I am much more conscious of labels and ingredients and fat content and calories and portion size. I am also (I think I've mentioned before) not letting myself feel denied of anything, but just watching how much I eat and trying to check with my stomach to see if I am full before I finish off whatever I am eating. It has been helpful.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
QiGong
I just realized that a blog is what I would say if I was perhaps having dinner with someone or riding somewhere with them and a subject came up. I have lots to say about lots of different subjects. So, whenever I get inspired by something or have an interesting thought, that is what my blog topic will be for that day.
To start talking about QiGong, I will explain how I became interested in relaxation techniques.
I was having some anxiety as I was teaching a few years back and one of the CHAC counselors gave me a link to a web site that is part of Kaiser Permanente, that has relaxation, meditation type exercises. I don't think of myself as a meditating person in general, but one day I was particularly anxious about the coming day and the students almost on their way into my classroom and I clicked on the site and tried one of the exercises right there at my desk. Here is the link if you are interested: https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/redirects/listen/
I spent about 15 minutes doing the beginning of the relieve stress exercise and ended it smiling as the kids were coming into my room. All day I felt like there was an inner strength that I had bolstered that helped me to be peaceful and calm for the rest of the day. Many things that would have normally gotten on my nerves did not.
Back when I was going through cancer treatments, I had a customary appointment at the doctor that was to be preceeded by bloodwork. I did not know yet to say that I was "a hard stick" and that I needed a "butterfly needle". I just knew that I hated the whole getting stuck by a needle thing and that most of the time the nurses made comments like "wow, hard to find your veins" and "I can't see anything". So I would get progressively more and more tense as the nurse tried to find my vein.
This nurse had a hard time and another nurse had to come over to try as I was almost hyperventilating. I went upstairs and started sobbing as I called the nurse person that the hospital had assigned to me to answer questions and help me through the trauma of being diagnosed with cancer. She immediately led me into her office and I sat down, she handed me tissues and told me to take deep slow breaths, from my stomach. She didn't hug me or try to really console me, other than that advice. I followed it and immediately felt relief. She told me that the increase of oxygen would calm me.
Over the years, I have realized that deep breathing is important.
I heard somewhere that QiGong, which is sort of like yoga, sort of like tai-chi, sort of like pilates was a good relaxation, healing thing to do. I had ordered a DVD from amazon, but it was so, so, so instructional and slow that I got tired out trying to do even 15 minutes and I gave it up. A while ago, I DVR'd a public television special called QiGong for Weight Loss by Lee Holden. Whenever I see something for weight loss, I become interested, and I thought I should give QiGong a second chance.
It was a 25 minute series of exercises with a lot of deep breathing and slow movements. I barely broke a sweat and other than thinking this would be a revolutionary way to lose weight, since I hate sweating, it was very relaxing. I felt my whole demeaner and day change after I completed the movements. I felt like my whole being was full of oxygen and that my insides were happy and satisfied. I wanted to do the 25 minutes every day. I didn't have to change out of my regular clothes or need to shower afterwards, so I could do it whenever.
I went online and found the DVD that this episode was a part of and it turns out that this is only one of the two routines on the DVD. There is a 41 minute routine as well. I bought the DVD and have done the 41 minute routine 3 times, but still do the 25 minute one at least 3 times a week. The 41 minute routine does make me sweat and is much more rigerous.
I don't believe that I have lost weight because of it yet. Since the beginning of the summer Fred and I have both been trying to eat better and he has lost 18 pounds and I have lost 6. I think that theh reason it is supposed to help you lose weight is because it works the core muscles a lot as well as the quadracepts and butt. Since those muscles are bigger, when they get worked, they help increase your metabolism, which helps you burn more calories. Also, Lee Holden says on the tape that relieving stress helps to keep the digestion functioning better. That weight is gained because things get stopped up inside. I buy that.
As I was just enjoying doing the 41 minute routine and my insides are all excited and full of oxygen, I thought it would be a good blog entry.
To start talking about QiGong, I will explain how I became interested in relaxation techniques.
I was having some anxiety as I was teaching a few years back and one of the CHAC counselors gave me a link to a web site that is part of Kaiser Permanente, that has relaxation, meditation type exercises. I don't think of myself as a meditating person in general, but one day I was particularly anxious about the coming day and the students almost on their way into my classroom and I clicked on the site and tried one of the exercises right there at my desk. Here is the link if you are interested: https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/redirects/listen/
I spent about 15 minutes doing the beginning of the relieve stress exercise and ended it smiling as the kids were coming into my room. All day I felt like there was an inner strength that I had bolstered that helped me to be peaceful and calm for the rest of the day. Many things that would have normally gotten on my nerves did not.
Back when I was going through cancer treatments, I had a customary appointment at the doctor that was to be preceeded by bloodwork. I did not know yet to say that I was "a hard stick" and that I needed a "butterfly needle". I just knew that I hated the whole getting stuck by a needle thing and that most of the time the nurses made comments like "wow, hard to find your veins" and "I can't see anything". So I would get progressively more and more tense as the nurse tried to find my vein.
This nurse had a hard time and another nurse had to come over to try as I was almost hyperventilating. I went upstairs and started sobbing as I called the nurse person that the hospital had assigned to me to answer questions and help me through the trauma of being diagnosed with cancer. She immediately led me into her office and I sat down, she handed me tissues and told me to take deep slow breaths, from my stomach. She didn't hug me or try to really console me, other than that advice. I followed it and immediately felt relief. She told me that the increase of oxygen would calm me.
Over the years, I have realized that deep breathing is important.
I heard somewhere that QiGong, which is sort of like yoga, sort of like tai-chi, sort of like pilates was a good relaxation, healing thing to do. I had ordered a DVD from amazon, but it was so, so, so instructional and slow that I got tired out trying to do even 15 minutes and I gave it up. A while ago, I DVR'd a public television special called QiGong for Weight Loss by Lee Holden. Whenever I see something for weight loss, I become interested, and I thought I should give QiGong a second chance.
It was a 25 minute series of exercises with a lot of deep breathing and slow movements. I barely broke a sweat and other than thinking this would be a revolutionary way to lose weight, since I hate sweating, it was very relaxing. I felt my whole demeaner and day change after I completed the movements. I felt like my whole being was full of oxygen and that my insides were happy and satisfied. I wanted to do the 25 minutes every day. I didn't have to change out of my regular clothes or need to shower afterwards, so I could do it whenever.
I went online and found the DVD that this episode was a part of and it turns out that this is only one of the two routines on the DVD. There is a 41 minute routine as well. I bought the DVD and have done the 41 minute routine 3 times, but still do the 25 minute one at least 3 times a week. The 41 minute routine does make me sweat and is much more rigerous.
I don't believe that I have lost weight because of it yet. Since the beginning of the summer Fred and I have both been trying to eat better and he has lost 18 pounds and I have lost 6. I think that theh reason it is supposed to help you lose weight is because it works the core muscles a lot as well as the quadracepts and butt. Since those muscles are bigger, when they get worked, they help increase your metabolism, which helps you burn more calories. Also, Lee Holden says on the tape that relieving stress helps to keep the digestion functioning better. That weight is gained because things get stopped up inside. I buy that.
As I was just enjoying doing the 41 minute routine and my insides are all excited and full of oxygen, I thought it would be a good blog entry.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Praise
I have read a lot on how to praise children. Effective versus ineffective praise. (Go to Haim Ginnot's work to see more. Either Parent and Child or Teacher and Child.)
But I just read something today that is interesting.
I am reading a book called How We Decide by Lehrer and he mentioned some research by Dweck. (Who also wrote a book that I haven't read yet about this research being referred to here.)
Anyway when some students sat down to complete a puzzle, at the end, they were praised, some with a sentence referring to how smart they must be at these types of things because they did well, and the other half with a reference to how much effort they put into the puzzle. Dweck thought there would not be a lot of different in the students response to that difference but there was! Students who were told they had a good ability in puzzles, later picked among two choices the puzzle they were told was easier, like the one they completed before instead of a puzzle that was described to be harder. Those whose effort was praised chose the harder puzzle. Also, given a choise to either look at puzzles already completed by others, that were not as good as the job they did or a better job than they did, the students whose effort was praised chose to look at the puzzles that were better. They wanted to see where their mistakes were so that they improved. Students whose inate ability was praised wanted to see the puzzles of students who did worse than they did so that they could continue to feel smart. It is crazy how powerful one little sentence can be.
This is interesting because people who are experts are people who analyze their mistakes and try to learn from them, think of how they could have done better.
We do our kids a misservice by implying to them that there are some subjects that people are just good or bad at and there is not much that can be done about it. I saw this a lot as a teacher. Kids would say to me, "Well my mom didn't do good in math either, so she said I might not do good either" or parents would tell me in conferences that they expected their kids would have a hard time in math because you are either born good at it or you are not. It is almost as if these parents have given their kids a pass at not putting any effort into math because they might not be any good at it anyway.
I think I might be that way about writing. I don't want to edit, I don't want to put a lot of work into it. I would like to be naturally good at it and have that manifested to me by my great success as a writer. Hopefully I am reading enough to change that notion. I am at least writing every day, which is a good step.
I read an article about Nora Roberts. She started writing when one of her kids was 3 and the other was 6 and they were homebound because of a big storm outside. She has had no formal education in writing, no college degree in English (like me) but just started. She said her first book was terrible (encouraging). Now her theory on writing is essentially Ass in the Chair. She has a daily schedule and writes 6-8 hours a day. She writes 5 books a year!!
So, now as soon as I get inspired by something I am going to sit right down and write in my blog. Hopefully a good start.
But I just read something today that is interesting.
I am reading a book called How We Decide by Lehrer and he mentioned some research by Dweck. (Who also wrote a book that I haven't read yet about this research being referred to here.)
Anyway when some students sat down to complete a puzzle, at the end, they were praised, some with a sentence referring to how smart they must be at these types of things because they did well, and the other half with a reference to how much effort they put into the puzzle. Dweck thought there would not be a lot of different in the students response to that difference but there was! Students who were told they had a good ability in puzzles, later picked among two choices the puzzle they were told was easier, like the one they completed before instead of a puzzle that was described to be harder. Those whose effort was praised chose the harder puzzle. Also, given a choise to either look at puzzles already completed by others, that were not as good as the job they did or a better job than they did, the students whose effort was praised chose to look at the puzzles that were better. They wanted to see where their mistakes were so that they improved. Students whose inate ability was praised wanted to see the puzzles of students who did worse than they did so that they could continue to feel smart. It is crazy how powerful one little sentence can be.
This is interesting because people who are experts are people who analyze their mistakes and try to learn from them, think of how they could have done better.
We do our kids a misservice by implying to them that there are some subjects that people are just good or bad at and there is not much that can be done about it. I saw this a lot as a teacher. Kids would say to me, "Well my mom didn't do good in math either, so she said I might not do good either" or parents would tell me in conferences that they expected their kids would have a hard time in math because you are either born good at it or you are not. It is almost as if these parents have given their kids a pass at not putting any effort into math because they might not be any good at it anyway.
I think I might be that way about writing. I don't want to edit, I don't want to put a lot of work into it. I would like to be naturally good at it and have that manifested to me by my great success as a writer. Hopefully I am reading enough to change that notion. I am at least writing every day, which is a good step.
I read an article about Nora Roberts. She started writing when one of her kids was 3 and the other was 6 and they were homebound because of a big storm outside. She has had no formal education in writing, no college degree in English (like me) but just started. She said her first book was terrible (encouraging). Now her theory on writing is essentially Ass in the Chair. She has a daily schedule and writes 6-8 hours a day. She writes 5 books a year!!
So, now as soon as I get inspired by something I am going to sit right down and write in my blog. Hopefully a good start.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Adventures in Music (AIM) Weekend
Not sure what to write today.
Had a lovely weekend learning at AIM weekend. We also presented our semi finals and finals package to the region and it seemed they enjoyed it. I definitely enjoyed hearing the quartets who are going to be going to international sing on Saturday evening.
But the best part of the weekend for me was being around the young women in harmony singers. I mentioned in my past blog that I would be taking over for a tenor who is out sick as her quartet leads the young women harmony class on Saturday. I learned the tags (ends of a few songs) on Friday, then we all taught them to the kids (ranging in age from about 11 - 18). It was so fun. I just seem to become all sparkly when I am around kids. I am happy and love being with them. I like talking to them. Especially the middle school age kids.
That is what I miss about teaching. Fred says I miss being loved. But I also miss the giving part. Giving of myself by listening when a kid needs to talk, or giving a hug and comforting when that is necessary. I know kids will love me, because I love them first and who isn't happy when they feel loved?
I had a nice complement as well. One of the singers from another quartet was sitting in on the class. She said in front of everyone that I had an amazing powerful tenor voice. Nice.
I do know that it is powerful, but am almost nervous to join a quartet that is planning on competing since I have had so little experience singing in a quartet in front of people and when I do sing, my voice wobbles a lot. I get progressively more and more nervous when I know people can hear me. I guess quarteting is better than singing solo, which I would just never try at all.
I also have a hard time hearing when I am doing something wrong. Sometimes I will go up a whole step when it should be a half step and when someone corrects me, I can't hear the difference or can't figure out how to make the change. I can feel the person getting a little frustrated as she is trying to teach me and then I feel like I can't be a good singer because I can't fix it, or hear it.
I am thinking about characterization. Peggy Graham (past president of Sweet Adelines) had a class that I enjoyed. It was clips of choruses that were doing great jobs characterizing their songs. You felt the song, the meaning, and that they were inviting you into that song as they sang. It was something easy to see, but I can't figure out how to do it.
I feel that I am still mechanical when I sing. I have practiced in front of a mirror and am getting better at making a good face. But, it does look practiced. This weekend we are getting coached by my favorite coach Betty Clipman. (She has coached all three of the choruses I have been with.) I will try to pay attention and see if I can learn to characterize better.
I am so looking forward to it.
Had a lovely weekend learning at AIM weekend. We also presented our semi finals and finals package to the region and it seemed they enjoyed it. I definitely enjoyed hearing the quartets who are going to be going to international sing on Saturday evening.
But the best part of the weekend for me was being around the young women in harmony singers. I mentioned in my past blog that I would be taking over for a tenor who is out sick as her quartet leads the young women harmony class on Saturday. I learned the tags (ends of a few songs) on Friday, then we all taught them to the kids (ranging in age from about 11 - 18). It was so fun. I just seem to become all sparkly when I am around kids. I am happy and love being with them. I like talking to them. Especially the middle school age kids.
That is what I miss about teaching. Fred says I miss being loved. But I also miss the giving part. Giving of myself by listening when a kid needs to talk, or giving a hug and comforting when that is necessary. I know kids will love me, because I love them first and who isn't happy when they feel loved?
I had a nice complement as well. One of the singers from another quartet was sitting in on the class. She said in front of everyone that I had an amazing powerful tenor voice. Nice.
I do know that it is powerful, but am almost nervous to join a quartet that is planning on competing since I have had so little experience singing in a quartet in front of people and when I do sing, my voice wobbles a lot. I get progressively more and more nervous when I know people can hear me. I guess quarteting is better than singing solo, which I would just never try at all.
I also have a hard time hearing when I am doing something wrong. Sometimes I will go up a whole step when it should be a half step and when someone corrects me, I can't hear the difference or can't figure out how to make the change. I can feel the person getting a little frustrated as she is trying to teach me and then I feel like I can't be a good singer because I can't fix it, or hear it.
I am thinking about characterization. Peggy Graham (past president of Sweet Adelines) had a class that I enjoyed. It was clips of choruses that were doing great jobs characterizing their songs. You felt the song, the meaning, and that they were inviting you into that song as they sang. It was something easy to see, but I can't figure out how to do it.
I feel that I am still mechanical when I sing. I have practiced in front of a mirror and am getting better at making a good face. But, it does look practiced. This weekend we are getting coached by my favorite coach Betty Clipman. (She has coached all three of the choruses I have been with.) I will try to pay attention and see if I can learn to characterize better.
I am so looking forward to it.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Focusing (On Singing)
So, today was my first day to lead the focusing segment of our chorus practice. It is a short 5 minute or so time to focus on leaving the past week, the future and the day behind to focus on why we're in chorus and to be great singers.
The chorus was so sweet and clapped for me when I walked up, and then again when I was done. I felt happy, but nervous at first.
I had practiced some of the focusing exercises that Jan Carley had passed along to Julie and to me and came up with a little introduction to why it was important to me to take the few minutes to take a few deep breaths and to purposely put everything else out of my mind to focus on what little time we have together to sing our best. (I should get a medal for my run on sentences. Yet, there is no one correcting here! No editors to my work yet. Plus, I have read books with run ons, and fragments of sentences and apparently if it is part of my style, it is not bad. Which is a relief, because where would I be without run ons and fragments???)
I am also going to be singing tags (fancy barber shop word for the ends of barber shop songs, with lots of growing and resonating) with the young women in harmony singers (from 12 - 25 years old) at this AIM (short for Adventures in Music) weekend in two days. I am excited about that too. It is the first time I will be singing in an instructing kind of way, hope I don't get too wobbly in my voice.
It is on the late side of the evening, so this post will be short.
The chorus was so sweet and clapped for me when I walked up, and then again when I was done. I felt happy, but nervous at first.
I had practiced some of the focusing exercises that Jan Carley had passed along to Julie and to me and came up with a little introduction to why it was important to me to take the few minutes to take a few deep breaths and to purposely put everything else out of my mind to focus on what little time we have together to sing our best. (I should get a medal for my run on sentences. Yet, there is no one correcting here! No editors to my work yet. Plus, I have read books with run ons, and fragments of sentences and apparently if it is part of my style, it is not bad. Which is a relief, because where would I be without run ons and fragments???)
I am also going to be singing tags (fancy barber shop word for the ends of barber shop songs, with lots of growing and resonating) with the young women in harmony singers (from 12 - 25 years old) at this AIM (short for Adventures in Music) weekend in two days. I am excited about that too. It is the first time I will be singing in an instructing kind of way, hope I don't get too wobbly in my voice.
It is on the late side of the evening, so this post will be short.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Life Coaching
A few months back, after I had been let go from my teaching position, before the school year was over, and while I was trying to determine whether I wanted to continue teaching at all, I had a 1/2 hour session with a life coach.
She was related to my chorus, had done a coaching session for the entire chorus and had sign ups for the time she was going to be in town the rest of the weekend.
I signed up.
My main goal was to see whether or not she thought I really wanted to be a teacher or not. I had struggled with it for a long time.
I have taught for 7 years. One year of kindergarten (lots of whining, crying, and interruptions) in Ohio, two years of 7th and 8th grade math in Florida (not that bad, good supportive co workers but did not like the 2 hour 15 minute block class schedule change the second year), two years of 4th grade in Pittsburgh (felt hopeless to do almost anything the entire two years, the kids were very frustrating, felt my planning was insufficient, but enjoyed reading to them and writing my master's paper on management) and then this most recent two years teaching 6th grade math here in Mountain View (first experience teaching english learners, almost enjoyable the first year, received lots of love from my kids and their parents, then let go the second year, the principal/district decided not to tenure me). After all of this time, I had never responded to the question, "How do you like teaching" the way I have seen others. No "wow, I love it, it is so satisfying" blah, blah, blah. My response was, "well, it's not terrible, there are parts I am fond of, I'm not that good at it" etc... etc...
One of my major insecurities was my lack of lesson planning. It seemed that it was the last thing I wanted to do and I felt that my students may have suffered somewhat as I taught by the seat of my pants. There was so much I was doing right though, mostly in my relationships with the kids. They knew that I loved them and cared for them and would help them patiently and without yelling. But I wasn't sure if I was good enough at my job, or if I liked it enough to continue. I also felt guilty for not doing what I believed was a good enough job as I looked at other teachers and asked them how much time they put into their job after work and on weekends. I always tried to do everything at school and bring nothing home. This would mean a few late evenings when I had given tests or needed to enter grades, but mostly I was done within 1/2 an hour to an hour from the end of the school day. (Teachers do compare themselves to each other frequently. There is also an overall sense that teaching is a martyrdom and the more hours you work the more you must care about your job and the kids.)
So, I wondered, what do I do now, look for other teaching jobs, go back to school, do something entirely different? I talked to the life coach about this dream I have to write children's books (or adult books, whichever.)
She asked me why?
Huh, I'd never thought about why. I loved to read, how it takes me away and puts me somewhere else, how my feelings can change, the way I think about the world or life can change, based on what I am reading. Books have a lot of power.
I want that power. Power to reach into a young person's life and give them something that will remain with them. But, maybe I just want to have something that will have my name on it forever, that someone might pick up in 50 years and enjoy long after I'm gone. (Not that I should be gone in 50 years! I would only be 84 and Fred says we will be living until I'm 88 at least.)
I have a heart for the middle school aged child. Many of my master's classes were on adolescent development. I remember my middle school years quite vividly. I hated them. I was so unsure, so concerned with what everybody around me thought of me and so sensitive. I loved reading Judy Blume, it amazed me that she seemed to have this way into the mind of an adolescent. She knew how I felt, what I was thinking.
I also love adult books too. How the characters can be so complex, how my heart can be moved or comforted as I read. I am very fond of Fannie Flag and how she depicts small town life and her characters.
It seems interesting that I have not really talked about the life coaching part at all. Maybe I should create the title after I write instead of before. So I'll put in some now!
The life coaching time helped me to think about why I wanted to write and to realize that even if there are parts I'm unsure about as a teacher, there are also things I really like about it and I can remain with it and instead of feeling guilty about my evenings when I'm not planning, I can do things to enrich myself, like learning to write.
That was when I thought I could get a job this year. I looked for most of the summer and have found nothing. Not easy to find something when 20,000 teachers are laid off in the state and there are tons of applications for each position.
Not having a job this year, I am devoting time to writing (Notice my wordy blog entries). I even got two books out of the library today to begin to find out how you go about writing a book!
She was related to my chorus, had done a coaching session for the entire chorus and had sign ups for the time she was going to be in town the rest of the weekend.
I signed up.
My main goal was to see whether or not she thought I really wanted to be a teacher or not. I had struggled with it for a long time.
I have taught for 7 years. One year of kindergarten (lots of whining, crying, and interruptions) in Ohio, two years of 7th and 8th grade math in Florida (not that bad, good supportive co workers but did not like the 2 hour 15 minute block class schedule change the second year), two years of 4th grade in Pittsburgh (felt hopeless to do almost anything the entire two years, the kids were very frustrating, felt my planning was insufficient, but enjoyed reading to them and writing my master's paper on management) and then this most recent two years teaching 6th grade math here in Mountain View (first experience teaching english learners, almost enjoyable the first year, received lots of love from my kids and their parents, then let go the second year, the principal/district decided not to tenure me). After all of this time, I had never responded to the question, "How do you like teaching" the way I have seen others. No "wow, I love it, it is so satisfying" blah, blah, blah. My response was, "well, it's not terrible, there are parts I am fond of, I'm not that good at it" etc... etc...
One of my major insecurities was my lack of lesson planning. It seemed that it was the last thing I wanted to do and I felt that my students may have suffered somewhat as I taught by the seat of my pants. There was so much I was doing right though, mostly in my relationships with the kids. They knew that I loved them and cared for them and would help them patiently and without yelling. But I wasn't sure if I was good enough at my job, or if I liked it enough to continue. I also felt guilty for not doing what I believed was a good enough job as I looked at other teachers and asked them how much time they put into their job after work and on weekends. I always tried to do everything at school and bring nothing home. This would mean a few late evenings when I had given tests or needed to enter grades, but mostly I was done within 1/2 an hour to an hour from the end of the school day. (Teachers do compare themselves to each other frequently. There is also an overall sense that teaching is a martyrdom and the more hours you work the more you must care about your job and the kids.)
So, I wondered, what do I do now, look for other teaching jobs, go back to school, do something entirely different? I talked to the life coach about this dream I have to write children's books (or adult books, whichever.)
She asked me why?
Huh, I'd never thought about why. I loved to read, how it takes me away and puts me somewhere else, how my feelings can change, the way I think about the world or life can change, based on what I am reading. Books have a lot of power.
I want that power. Power to reach into a young person's life and give them something that will remain with them. But, maybe I just want to have something that will have my name on it forever, that someone might pick up in 50 years and enjoy long after I'm gone. (Not that I should be gone in 50 years! I would only be 84 and Fred says we will be living until I'm 88 at least.)
I have a heart for the middle school aged child. Many of my master's classes were on adolescent development. I remember my middle school years quite vividly. I hated them. I was so unsure, so concerned with what everybody around me thought of me and so sensitive. I loved reading Judy Blume, it amazed me that she seemed to have this way into the mind of an adolescent. She knew how I felt, what I was thinking.
I also love adult books too. How the characters can be so complex, how my heart can be moved or comforted as I read. I am very fond of Fannie Flag and how she depicts small town life and her characters.
It seems interesting that I have not really talked about the life coaching part at all. Maybe I should create the title after I write instead of before. So I'll put in some now!
The life coaching time helped me to think about why I wanted to write and to realize that even if there are parts I'm unsure about as a teacher, there are also things I really like about it and I can remain with it and instead of feeling guilty about my evenings when I'm not planning, I can do things to enrich myself, like learning to write.
That was when I thought I could get a job this year. I looked for most of the summer and have found nothing. Not easy to find something when 20,000 teachers are laid off in the state and there are tons of applications for each position.
Not having a job this year, I am devoting time to writing (Notice my wordy blog entries). I even got two books out of the library today to begin to find out how you go about writing a book!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Children's Book Author
I would like to be a children's book author.
I was wearing my good first impression shirt and skirt. (Both incidentally purchased from my favorite thrift store in Columbus Ohio with my mom!) So excited to be going to my "how to become a children's book author" class at the Mountain View Los Altos adult education center. It was to be held at the Los Altos senior center. I had directions written out, my hair drying in my special hair drying towel before blow drying it. I had every class written into tuesday in my planner. Great to be doing a something that would take a few hours out of my day and possibly have homework. It is more fun to be doing procrastinating type stuff when you actually have something to procrastinate about. I was going to learn tons! But, alas. My creative writing class was cancelled because of low enrollment last week and not seeing the reimbursement on my credit card statement, I e-mailed this morning and got a call telling me that the children's writing class had been cancelled as well. I cried.
My dear husband began to look up other writing classes online at different universities, before going off to work. He felt bad for me. But my heart wasn't in it. Not yet. It should be back in it in the next day or so.
I was praying while taking my 1/2 hour walk today. When I look back on my life, I believe that everything has been planned and has had a purpose. So, here I am. No teaching job, my classes on how to become a writer, mercilously cancelled, my days slightly restless. Is there something that the Lord is doing for me? Something he has planned that I will understand in the next year or so? Probably. I'm trying to take comfort in that.
Fred and I are going to look into purchasing a web site template so I can offer my services as a math tutor. That should be good.
Fred also found a web site regarding writing children's books and I think I'll look into that and also get some books from the library on the topic, perhaps make my own class with assignments for myself.
I was wearing my good first impression shirt and skirt. (Both incidentally purchased from my favorite thrift store in Columbus Ohio with my mom!) So excited to be going to my "how to become a children's book author" class at the Mountain View Los Altos adult education center. It was to be held at the Los Altos senior center. I had directions written out, my hair drying in my special hair drying towel before blow drying it. I had every class written into tuesday in my planner. Great to be doing a something that would take a few hours out of my day and possibly have homework. It is more fun to be doing procrastinating type stuff when you actually have something to procrastinate about. I was going to learn tons! But, alas. My creative writing class was cancelled because of low enrollment last week and not seeing the reimbursement on my credit card statement, I e-mailed this morning and got a call telling me that the children's writing class had been cancelled as well. I cried.
My dear husband began to look up other writing classes online at different universities, before going off to work. He felt bad for me. But my heart wasn't in it. Not yet. It should be back in it in the next day or so.
I was praying while taking my 1/2 hour walk today. When I look back on my life, I believe that everything has been planned and has had a purpose. So, here I am. No teaching job, my classes on how to become a writer, mercilously cancelled, my days slightly restless. Is there something that the Lord is doing for me? Something he has planned that I will understand in the next year or so? Probably. I'm trying to take comfort in that.
Fred and I are going to look into purchasing a web site template so I can offer my services as a math tutor. That should be good.
Fred also found a web site regarding writing children's books and I think I'll look into that and also get some books from the library on the topic, perhaps make my own class with assignments for myself.
Monday, September 14, 2009
My First Brush with Danger
I was at the friends of the library store within the Mountain View library at the beginning of the summer. I saw a small book called The Writer's Block 186 Ideas to Jump Start your Imagination. I thought that it would be a good experience to write something on each of the topics so I could become a better writer. Below is my first writing from the book. It is the only one I've done so far, but I think that it will be a good thing to get me jump started whenever I can't think of anything to write on this blog.
Sometimes my life is not really that interesting.
My First Brush with Danger
My family was visiting my aunt and uncle and their two children. Along were my younger sister and my parents. I was maybe 9 years old. My cousin Alena was close to my age, a few years younger. Her sister Dora was close to the age of my younger sister, about 4 years old at the time.
Alena's family lived in a somewhat rural area of New Jersey. Their house had a big yard around it and neighbored other houses with large lots and one with lots of animals. We stared over the fence at the neighbor's yard and the horses and caged various types of animals. It reminded me of a documentary I saw once with animals having to be removed from a living situation because of neglect and abuse. I tried to look carefully to see if any of the animals looked thin or hungry or bruised. But couldn't see anything. Other than the cages. It seemed unnatural for animals to be in cages, when they have legs for running. The cages seemed small and the floors dirty. Maybe the animals looked sad and that made me think of the documentary.
I borrowed a bike of Alana's and she and I would bike on the gravel roads that comprised her neighborhood. She gave me warning one time before we started that there was a large barking dog that lived in a house that we would be passing. She said that if it started chasing us, make sure that she was okay and don't leave her behind.
I believe I have always been afraid of dogs. My mom said that once when I was twoish a large dog ran up to me and licked my entire face and I cried. Whenever I heard the jingling of a dog's collar, I would give a start and check my surroundings. My heart would race and my eyes widen as I got ready to run if necessary.
On this fateful bike ride, Alana and I were flying along the gravel road enjoying the breeze in our hair. I heard a barking noise and then it continued to get louder. I checked and saw a raggedy fence surrounding the lot and even though I saw no dog, I knew instinctively that if there were a dog it could jump that scrawny fence and overtake my small bicycle and myself with no problem. I panicked. I felt my legs going as fast as they could, my heart beating in my ears and my body sweating. Out of the corner of my fear I heard Alana, from far behind, calling my name. She was struggling to keep up with me. I completely ignored her and kept going as fast as I could to get by that house.
Later, she asked me why I left her. I am still ashamed, but realize that I would put my own safety in front of my companion's.
Sometimes my life is not really that interesting.
My First Brush with Danger
My family was visiting my aunt and uncle and their two children. Along were my younger sister and my parents. I was maybe 9 years old. My cousin Alena was close to my age, a few years younger. Her sister Dora was close to the age of my younger sister, about 4 years old at the time.
Alena's family lived in a somewhat rural area of New Jersey. Their house had a big yard around it and neighbored other houses with large lots and one with lots of animals. We stared over the fence at the neighbor's yard and the horses and caged various types of animals. It reminded me of a documentary I saw once with animals having to be removed from a living situation because of neglect and abuse. I tried to look carefully to see if any of the animals looked thin or hungry or bruised. But couldn't see anything. Other than the cages. It seemed unnatural for animals to be in cages, when they have legs for running. The cages seemed small and the floors dirty. Maybe the animals looked sad and that made me think of the documentary.
I borrowed a bike of Alana's and she and I would bike on the gravel roads that comprised her neighborhood. She gave me warning one time before we started that there was a large barking dog that lived in a house that we would be passing. She said that if it started chasing us, make sure that she was okay and don't leave her behind.
I believe I have always been afraid of dogs. My mom said that once when I was twoish a large dog ran up to me and licked my entire face and I cried. Whenever I heard the jingling of a dog's collar, I would give a start and check my surroundings. My heart would race and my eyes widen as I got ready to run if necessary.
On this fateful bike ride, Alana and I were flying along the gravel road enjoying the breeze in our hair. I heard a barking noise and then it continued to get louder. I checked and saw a raggedy fence surrounding the lot and even though I saw no dog, I knew instinctively that if there were a dog it could jump that scrawny fence and overtake my small bicycle and myself with no problem. I panicked. I felt my legs going as fast as they could, my heart beating in my ears and my body sweating. Out of the corner of my fear I heard Alana, from far behind, calling my name. She was struggling to keep up with me. I completely ignored her and kept going as fast as I could to get by that house.
Later, she asked me why I left her. I am still ashamed, but realize that I would put my own safety in front of my companion's.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Confidence
What is confidence?
How come I don't have that much of it?
When I sing my tenor part with a quartet my voice wobbles and becomes unsure and I have trouble looking out into whatever audience I'm singing to.
I tend to belittle myself. Especially regarding teaching, which I know I am very good at. Other teachers have told me that, my students, over and over again, and their parents, also over and over again.
I cared for them, mothered them, loved them, was so so patient with them, tried to talk to their parents always with a solution in mind we could work towards together, never made the kids feel stupid or belittled, or slow, or like they couldn't eventually figure out whatever we were doing. I bolstered their confidence, encouraged them, showed them I cared, helped the walls of their mind open by making them feel safe in my classroom. I never yelled, worked through discipline issues with clarity and lack of emotion, decorated my classroom with tons of posters and inspirational sayings so that if the kids found me boring sometimes they could learn by reading the things on the walls. I was non judgemental in my listening to them, fair in my questioning strategies, did not pick favorites and made sure that every student felt confident in yelling in the hall that they were my favorite student. I worked so hard at learning how to talk to kids, read so much dealing with adolescent psychology and child psychology, to create that loving safe environment so that they could learn math. Math, which is such a difficult subject for kids.
Math, which moves way too fast and which we teach in America, one inch deep and a mile wide. Math, which feels like hitting your head against a wall, as you are trying to teach it.
Yet my kids and their parents loved me. Loved that I was teaching their kids, that I helped them to love a subject they may have previously hated.
Yet, here I am without a job.
Here I was last year stuck with a cruel, heartless principal, who saw none of my talents, but only faults. Who was so powerful that she could tell the district that I was no good and that I should be gotten rid of. The district allowing her to do this because it is in her jurisdiction to get rid of any untenured teachers. Here I am in a state with over 20,000 laid off teachers, trying to get a job, having my fragile confidence hurt with every unreturned call or unheeded application.
It has been a hard year, just now I am almost getting over the blow that it was to my teaching self-esteem.
I really only miss being loved by the kids. Not so much missing the actual frustrating teaching part, the whole teaching system in America, the Politics, which are so rampant here and in the education industry.
I was talking today to a teacher who is still at my previous school, and she reminded me how I was so great for the kids and how they loved me as well as their parents. I was encouraged and reminded of all the things that made me a great teacher. How come I had forgotten?
How come I don't have that much of it?
When I sing my tenor part with a quartet my voice wobbles and becomes unsure and I have trouble looking out into whatever audience I'm singing to.
I tend to belittle myself. Especially regarding teaching, which I know I am very good at. Other teachers have told me that, my students, over and over again, and their parents, also over and over again.
I cared for them, mothered them, loved them, was so so patient with them, tried to talk to their parents always with a solution in mind we could work towards together, never made the kids feel stupid or belittled, or slow, or like they couldn't eventually figure out whatever we were doing. I bolstered their confidence, encouraged them, showed them I cared, helped the walls of their mind open by making them feel safe in my classroom. I never yelled, worked through discipline issues with clarity and lack of emotion, decorated my classroom with tons of posters and inspirational sayings so that if the kids found me boring sometimes they could learn by reading the things on the walls. I was non judgemental in my listening to them, fair in my questioning strategies, did not pick favorites and made sure that every student felt confident in yelling in the hall that they were my favorite student. I worked so hard at learning how to talk to kids, read so much dealing with adolescent psychology and child psychology, to create that loving safe environment so that they could learn math. Math, which is such a difficult subject for kids.
Math, which moves way too fast and which we teach in America, one inch deep and a mile wide. Math, which feels like hitting your head against a wall, as you are trying to teach it.
Yet my kids and their parents loved me. Loved that I was teaching their kids, that I helped them to love a subject they may have previously hated.
Yet, here I am without a job.
Here I was last year stuck with a cruel, heartless principal, who saw none of my talents, but only faults. Who was so powerful that she could tell the district that I was no good and that I should be gotten rid of. The district allowing her to do this because it is in her jurisdiction to get rid of any untenured teachers. Here I am in a state with over 20,000 laid off teachers, trying to get a job, having my fragile confidence hurt with every unreturned call or unheeded application.
It has been a hard year, just now I am almost getting over the blow that it was to my teaching self-esteem.
I really only miss being loved by the kids. Not so much missing the actual frustrating teaching part, the whole teaching system in America, the Politics, which are so rampant here and in the education industry.
I was talking today to a teacher who is still at my previous school, and she reminded me how I was so great for the kids and how they loved me as well as their parents. I was encouraged and reminded of all the things that made me a great teacher. How come I had forgotten?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
High Heels and The Stanford Theater
I knew it would get to this point. I have nothing really to write. But I have to write so I can know that I have been working every day, EVERY day towards becoming a writer when I grow up.
Well, I did wear high heels today.
It was very exciting. I am not at all sure how to do it. Do I drop my heel first, or concentrate on starting out with my toes? If I start with my toes, I sort of clomp around, but when I start with my heels, I hear tapping sounds and it feels like I am walking heavily.
I got the heels for 5 dollars from the Loehman's sale on clearance items. They are Saychelles that started out at 90 dollars, then went down to 30, then 20 and then I got them for 5. Better than Goodwill prices!! They hurt a little and made me the same height as Fred, but I felt lovely.
We went to see Rebecca (the film depicting the novel by DuMaurier, which I read in high school and loved, but have forgotten almost all of as I have so many other things from high school, alas.) I love seeing old movies at the Stanford Theater. The organist playing between the movies. My feel illegally up on the banister in the coveted front row of the balcony. (Until the lady whose job it is to tell me to take my feet down stops by. I saw her once tell an older gentleman to take his feet down and then go sit a few rows up. When he thought she had gone he put his feet back up and she came back down and told him again. Then she really left, but he did not put his feet back up!) Fred and I enjoying the wonderful inexpensive (2.50 for a LARGE) popcorn with butter. Me studying the old time clothes and us laughing at the sometimes overdramatic acting.
I think we have been there 10 times at least since we've moved here.
My mom loves old movies, so I call her and give her the run down of what is playing that weekend and she tells me what is worthwhile to see and what we could skip. She said no to The Birds and Psycho. Who needs to be scared to be outside, or to shower. Not me.
I love to look at the restored paint on the walls and ceiling of the theater. The feel of the red velvet seats. I actually like that there is no place to rest my head on the seats and that you can't really lean back. I always wonder what the hair was like on the million persons who have sat in a theater chair before me as they have leaned back and rested their heads. I had lice in college twice, TWICE you know, possibly from theater seats! But not at the Stanford theater, the seats are not tall enough in the back to rest your head!
I have used a lot of exclamation points in this post!
Well, I did wear high heels today.
It was very exciting. I am not at all sure how to do it. Do I drop my heel first, or concentrate on starting out with my toes? If I start with my toes, I sort of clomp around, but when I start with my heels, I hear tapping sounds and it feels like I am walking heavily.
I got the heels for 5 dollars from the Loehman's sale on clearance items. They are Saychelles that started out at 90 dollars, then went down to 30, then 20 and then I got them for 5. Better than Goodwill prices!! They hurt a little and made me the same height as Fred, but I felt lovely.
We went to see Rebecca (the film depicting the novel by DuMaurier, which I read in high school and loved, but have forgotten almost all of as I have so many other things from high school, alas.) I love seeing old movies at the Stanford Theater. The organist playing between the movies. My feel illegally up on the banister in the coveted front row of the balcony. (Until the lady whose job it is to tell me to take my feet down stops by. I saw her once tell an older gentleman to take his feet down and then go sit a few rows up. When he thought she had gone he put his feet back up and she came back down and told him again. Then she really left, but he did not put his feet back up!) Fred and I enjoying the wonderful inexpensive (2.50 for a LARGE) popcorn with butter. Me studying the old time clothes and us laughing at the sometimes overdramatic acting.
I think we have been there 10 times at least since we've moved here.
My mom loves old movies, so I call her and give her the run down of what is playing that weekend and she tells me what is worthwhile to see and what we could skip. She said no to The Birds and Psycho. Who needs to be scared to be outside, or to shower. Not me.
I love to look at the restored paint on the walls and ceiling of the theater. The feel of the red velvet seats. I actually like that there is no place to rest my head on the seats and that you can't really lean back. I always wonder what the hair was like on the million persons who have sat in a theater chair before me as they have leaned back and rested their heads. I had lice in college twice, TWICE you know, possibly from theater seats! But not at the Stanford theater, the seats are not tall enough in the back to rest your head!
I have used a lot of exclamation points in this post!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Mindless Eating
I got a book at the library yesterday called Mindless Eating. It is very interesting.
(It also recommends the Volumetrics book, which was recommended by the author of the Healthy Skeptic which I was reading before.)
What is interesting is that we in America tend to base our eating more on outside cues than on an inner feeling of either fullness or being no longer hungry. The author has done lots of research, which the book details nicely.
I think that if I paid attention to it, it could change my eating habits all together. Most people don't eat until they feel a little full (and then it would be really full after 20 minutes when all the food has gotten where it needs to go to make you feel full), they eat until the plate is clean, or the bowl is empty. Or, if in front of the television with a bag of chips, the bag is empty, or the box of crackers, or the pint of ice cream. I know that I eat whenever I am bored, or want something that tastes good.
Someone he quoted in the book said that he lost a lot of weight by saying when he was about to eat something but was not really hungry, "I am not hungry but I am going to eat this anyway." and that usually helped him to rethink and decide against whatever he was going to eat.
We can trick ourselves into eating less by using smaller plates, bowls, or taller glasses. Since our stomachs are not usually in control of how much we eat, but our eyes are, we can trick our eyes to see more food than there really is. We do tend to fill up the plate or bowl and have a certain According to Volumetrics, we can fill up our plates with lower energy density foods, like I mentioned in a previous post, so we feel that we are still eating the amount we think will fill us up.
What I appreciated the most today was that when I was eating lunch, I attuned not to my bowl and how much was there, but to my stomach and I stopped when I was satisfied. Knowing I was satisfied made me feel not at all denied, or that I was purposely undereating, but that I was taking care of myself. Hmmmm.
Mind changing.
(It also recommends the Volumetrics book, which was recommended by the author of the Healthy Skeptic which I was reading before.)
What is interesting is that we in America tend to base our eating more on outside cues than on an inner feeling of either fullness or being no longer hungry. The author has done lots of research, which the book details nicely.
I think that if I paid attention to it, it could change my eating habits all together. Most people don't eat until they feel a little full (and then it would be really full after 20 minutes when all the food has gotten where it needs to go to make you feel full), they eat until the plate is clean, or the bowl is empty. Or, if in front of the television with a bag of chips, the bag is empty, or the box of crackers, or the pint of ice cream. I know that I eat whenever I am bored, or want something that tastes good.
Someone he quoted in the book said that he lost a lot of weight by saying when he was about to eat something but was not really hungry, "I am not hungry but I am going to eat this anyway." and that usually helped him to rethink and decide against whatever he was going to eat.
We can trick ourselves into eating less by using smaller plates, bowls, or taller glasses. Since our stomachs are not usually in control of how much we eat, but our eyes are, we can trick our eyes to see more food than there really is. We do tend to fill up the plate or bowl and have a certain According to Volumetrics, we can fill up our plates with lower energy density foods, like I mentioned in a previous post, so we feel that we are still eating the amount we think will fill us up.
What I appreciated the most today was that when I was eating lunch, I attuned not to my bowl and how much was there, but to my stomach and I stopped when I was satisfied. Knowing I was satisfied made me feel not at all denied, or that I was purposely undereating, but that I was taking care of myself. Hmmmm.
Mind changing.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Not Working
So, unfortunately my creative writing class was canceled yesterday. I was reimbursed. But, am so sad. :(
Not just to have nothing planned for those Mondays, but because I was going to faithfully complete all of my assignments and have people read them and say in astonishment, "Wow, you really mean that you have never seriously written before?" "This is publishable now" etc... Alas.
So far the children's book writing class is still planned, unless I get a call in the next day or so.
Fred thinks I should take some illustration classes, but there aren't any of those available.
I am getting into an unemployed groove. I eat an apple and read my daily section in my once a year bible. Then I ride the stationary bicycle while watching the Rachel Ray show. Then make some breakfast, usually oatmeal with a nectarine cut up in it as I finish The Price is Right. (I guess I am okay with Drew Carrey running things. He is likable. I do miss Bob Barker though. It is hard to replace someone who has been on the show for 30 years. Drew is getting better. I used to think he just talked entirely too much, but am either getting used to it, or he is calming down. Someday I hope to be a contestant on the Price is Right!)
Then I have my list of things to do. I wait for some sort of inspiration or idea before typing my blog. I do my house cleaning for the day. (Monday is the bathroom, Tuesday the kitchen, Wednesday the floors, and Thursday overall straightening. I can't imagine having anything bigger than a one bedroom apartment to clean!!) I practice the set of songs for International in front of the mirror, improving my facial expressions as much as possible. Emoting the meaning of the songs. I find time, when it is not too hot to take a 1/2 hour walk. I also do the 1/2 hour version of the DVD QiGong for weight loss.
I make sure to log what I eat into my planner. Bought for that purpose. As I look at the last week (when I had that 3 pounds in 4 days blip that I haven't written about yet!!! so traumatizing) I realize that even though I think I am eating very "good choicily" I am actually eating lots of desserts etc...
It is revealing to look at what I am eating! I am trying harder this week.
I was reading a diet book called Volumetrics, which talks about energy density. Foods with less energy density, and more water, vegetables, fruits, whole grains, you can eat much more of than foods with higher energy density. Those would be meats, crackers, cookies, cheese, alcohol etc... When you eat more foods with more water content, you can be fuller longer and eat much more volume for the same amount of calories as more energy dense foods.
Something interesting is that soup fills you up more than eating something more dense and then having the same amount of liquid separately on the side. Your body sees water as quenching thirst, not hunger. The same with soda, which is why people can drink tons of soda and not have those calories satisfy any of their hunger. Tomato or vegetable juice on the other hand does satisfy hunger. So having vegetable juice or broth based soup before a meal will help satisfy some of your hunger. Drinking a glass of water before a meal will not.
It is an interesting book, I recommend it highly.
It recommends logging your food when you are trying to lose weight, so I am.
That is my list of to do items for the day. It is always better though if I can find some time to be with someone every day. One small outing is good enough for my time to go by for the rest of the day. I also try to realize how lucky I am to have this period of time off. Once children come or another job, I will be busy again, for now I am enjoying the restfulness of it all.
Not just to have nothing planned for those Mondays, but because I was going to faithfully complete all of my assignments and have people read them and say in astonishment, "Wow, you really mean that you have never seriously written before?" "This is publishable now" etc... Alas.
So far the children's book writing class is still planned, unless I get a call in the next day or so.
Fred thinks I should take some illustration classes, but there aren't any of those available.
I am getting into an unemployed groove. I eat an apple and read my daily section in my once a year bible. Then I ride the stationary bicycle while watching the Rachel Ray show. Then make some breakfast, usually oatmeal with a nectarine cut up in it as I finish The Price is Right. (I guess I am okay with Drew Carrey running things. He is likable. I do miss Bob Barker though. It is hard to replace someone who has been on the show for 30 years. Drew is getting better. I used to think he just talked entirely too much, but am either getting used to it, or he is calming down. Someday I hope to be a contestant on the Price is Right!)
Then I have my list of things to do. I wait for some sort of inspiration or idea before typing my blog. I do my house cleaning for the day. (Monday is the bathroom, Tuesday the kitchen, Wednesday the floors, and Thursday overall straightening. I can't imagine having anything bigger than a one bedroom apartment to clean!!) I practice the set of songs for International in front of the mirror, improving my facial expressions as much as possible. Emoting the meaning of the songs. I find time, when it is not too hot to take a 1/2 hour walk. I also do the 1/2 hour version of the DVD QiGong for weight loss.
I make sure to log what I eat into my planner. Bought for that purpose. As I look at the last week (when I had that 3 pounds in 4 days blip that I haven't written about yet!!! so traumatizing) I realize that even though I think I am eating very "good choicily" I am actually eating lots of desserts etc...
It is revealing to look at what I am eating! I am trying harder this week.
I was reading a diet book called Volumetrics, which talks about energy density. Foods with less energy density, and more water, vegetables, fruits, whole grains, you can eat much more of than foods with higher energy density. Those would be meats, crackers, cookies, cheese, alcohol etc... When you eat more foods with more water content, you can be fuller longer and eat much more volume for the same amount of calories as more energy dense foods.
Something interesting is that soup fills you up more than eating something more dense and then having the same amount of liquid separately on the side. Your body sees water as quenching thirst, not hunger. The same with soda, which is why people can drink tons of soda and not have those calories satisfy any of their hunger. Tomato or vegetable juice on the other hand does satisfy hunger. So having vegetable juice or broth based soup before a meal will help satisfy some of your hunger. Drinking a glass of water before a meal will not.
It is an interesting book, I recommend it highly.
It recommends logging your food when you are trying to lose weight, so I am.
That is my list of to do items for the day. It is always better though if I can find some time to be with someone every day. One small outing is good enough for my time to go by for the rest of the day. I also try to realize how lucky I am to have this period of time off. Once children come or another job, I will be busy again, for now I am enjoying the restfulness of it all.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
A Friend
So, what makes a good friend?
I was eating frozen yogurt with a friend today (gingerbread with tart plain at yummy yogurt). We were talking about how sometimes when you are depressed or worried about something, you choose isolation which many times makes you dwell on that situation instead of choosing to find a friend and talk things out or just be together.
She felt bad imposing her difficulties, or venting, feeling that she needs to be a strong contributing one, once she is with someone or out in the world.
I told her that I love to listen and feel that I am helping even just by doing that. And that helping feeling makes me feel good, needed. And that is what friends are for anyways. Sometimes I have my venting days, letting out all of my confusions and frustrations, hoping for a different perspective or just some time to let things out. And other times I am the listener.
I was thinking of different friends I have had over the past years.
Ones that I won't forget ever.
The thing I appreciate the most is a listening ear, absent of any judgment.
I want to feel that my problems are worth listening to. Not interrupting, not being reminded of when you had a similar thing happen to you and getting cut off while you go into your story. Not hearing what I should have done differently and how things are in some (or any!) way my own fault. Not seeing you look around and check your watch because I'm going on too long, or feeling you count the seconds until you can interject and tell me about your day.
I hate to be judged. Believe me, I have already thought about how this could be my fault and how I could have handled things better. Before I started talking, I have been thinking.
So, I try to listen. Not to interrupt.
I think about if there is advice I could give and then wait. I may pray a little before mentioning the advice, because even though it fits, it might not be the time for you to hear that particular experience. Mostly, I try to listen.
Believe me, it's not easy for me to just listen. I do all of the things I mentioned above, but I am trying to not do them, because I know how it feels to have them done to me.
I hope as I get older and wiser (maybe) that I can become all of the things I appreciate in others.
Oh yeah, it also helps if a friend laughs at my jokes!
I was eating frozen yogurt with a friend today (gingerbread with tart plain at yummy yogurt). We were talking about how sometimes when you are depressed or worried about something, you choose isolation which many times makes you dwell on that situation instead of choosing to find a friend and talk things out or just be together.
She felt bad imposing her difficulties, or venting, feeling that she needs to be a strong contributing one, once she is with someone or out in the world.
I told her that I love to listen and feel that I am helping even just by doing that. And that helping feeling makes me feel good, needed. And that is what friends are for anyways. Sometimes I have my venting days, letting out all of my confusions and frustrations, hoping for a different perspective or just some time to let things out. And other times I am the listener.
I was thinking of different friends I have had over the past years.
Ones that I won't forget ever.
The thing I appreciate the most is a listening ear, absent of any judgment.
I want to feel that my problems are worth listening to. Not interrupting, not being reminded of when you had a similar thing happen to you and getting cut off while you go into your story. Not hearing what I should have done differently and how things are in some (or any!) way my own fault. Not seeing you look around and check your watch because I'm going on too long, or feeling you count the seconds until you can interject and tell me about your day.
I hate to be judged. Believe me, I have already thought about how this could be my fault and how I could have handled things better. Before I started talking, I have been thinking.
So, I try to listen. Not to interrupt.
I think about if there is advice I could give and then wait. I may pray a little before mentioning the advice, because even though it fits, it might not be the time for you to hear that particular experience. Mostly, I try to listen.
Believe me, it's not easy for me to just listen. I do all of the things I mentioned above, but I am trying to not do them, because I know how it feels to have them done to me.
I hope as I get older and wiser (maybe) that I can become all of the things I appreciate in others.
Oh yeah, it also helps if a friend laughs at my jokes!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Before the Parade passes (Me) by
I was thinking what should I write. I am not inspired by anything right now. So, I waited and watched a little Oprah.
It is a final show for Dr. Oz, who is moving on to begin his own show and there is a small segment on the life of Randy Pausch, who was a professor at Carnegie Mellon, who died last July from Pancreatic Cancer. The time between when he learned that he had a limited time left here until he passed was inspiring for millions. He wrote his "last lecture" and presented it to some students and faculty, it was also posted on You Tube and Oprah had him present to her audience and televised it as well.
It is a very inspiring lecture, not really a lecture as much as a talk about how life can and should be lived.
I also read the book that he wrote called "The Last Lecture".
A song we are currently singing in our chorus is Before The Parade Passes By, from the play, Hello Dolly.
Some of the lyrics are Before the parade passes by, I want to go and taste Saturday's high life. Before the parade passes by, I want to get some life back into my life. I'm ready to move out in front. I've had enough of just passing by life...
It has meant a lot to me as I've been trying to sing it with feeling up on the risers.
Have I let a lot of life pass me by because of fear or lackadasicalness, or apathy? It has helped me to think of what I'd like and expand my dreams a little.
Here is what I'd like.
I'd like to be part of a quartet who loves to sing together and perform in front of people. Our performances help me to get over my nerves of singing in front of people. Then we compete and do excellently well, then eventually make it to the internation stage and become Queens of Harmony, with the tiara and everything!
I'd like to become a famous writer. Of both children's books and adult books. I'd like to inspire with my writing, help people to have an increased self worth as they read my books. Become a writer that is a favorite. I can't tell you how much little house on the prairie and anne of green gables and pride and prejudice have effected me. Who I am is somewhat wrapped up in the books I've read. I also would like to remain. Remain on the shelves of libraries, in bookstores, and in the hearts of my readers as an influence.
I want to become a great parent. One my children will look up to and respect. Who is more a caring parent than a good friend. Who knows how to raise up my children in the way they should go, as well as how to discipline them effectively, without hurting who they are inside, and help them to respect themselves so they grow up to make good decisions and healthy choices.
I want to grow old gracefully, not embittered by anything. With a big smile and listening ears. I want those around me to know that I care because I listen and comfort without judging.
I want to be the best wife there is. Supporting my husband in all of his dreams. Caring for the household, children, etc... in a way that will cause him no concern or worry.
I want my life to be made up of moments I am proud of, not ones I regret. My words to be well thought out before escaping my lips.
I want a life filled with prayer. Prayer for my family, my husband and children, my friends. I love the quote "Learn to move man through God by prayer alone". I believe it was by Hudson Taylor.
I want to be always peaceful, no matter what my circumstances, firmly believing that all of my situations are well thought out especially for me by a loving Father.
That's about it!
It is a final show for Dr. Oz, who is moving on to begin his own show and there is a small segment on the life of Randy Pausch, who was a professor at Carnegie Mellon, who died last July from Pancreatic Cancer. The time between when he learned that he had a limited time left here until he passed was inspiring for millions. He wrote his "last lecture" and presented it to some students and faculty, it was also posted on You Tube and Oprah had him present to her audience and televised it as well.
It is a very inspiring lecture, not really a lecture as much as a talk about how life can and should be lived.
I also read the book that he wrote called "The Last Lecture".
A song we are currently singing in our chorus is Before The Parade Passes By, from the play, Hello Dolly.
Some of the lyrics are Before the parade passes by, I want to go and taste Saturday's high life. Before the parade passes by, I want to get some life back into my life. I'm ready to move out in front. I've had enough of just passing by life...
It has meant a lot to me as I've been trying to sing it with feeling up on the risers.
Have I let a lot of life pass me by because of fear or lackadasicalness, or apathy? It has helped me to think of what I'd like and expand my dreams a little.
Here is what I'd like.
I'd like to be part of a quartet who loves to sing together and perform in front of people. Our performances help me to get over my nerves of singing in front of people. Then we compete and do excellently well, then eventually make it to the internation stage and become Queens of Harmony, with the tiara and everything!
I'd like to become a famous writer. Of both children's books and adult books. I'd like to inspire with my writing, help people to have an increased self worth as they read my books. Become a writer that is a favorite. I can't tell you how much little house on the prairie and anne of green gables and pride and prejudice have effected me. Who I am is somewhat wrapped up in the books I've read. I also would like to remain. Remain on the shelves of libraries, in bookstores, and in the hearts of my readers as an influence.
I want to become a great parent. One my children will look up to and respect. Who is more a caring parent than a good friend. Who knows how to raise up my children in the way they should go, as well as how to discipline them effectively, without hurting who they are inside, and help them to respect themselves so they grow up to make good decisions and healthy choices.
I want to grow old gracefully, not embittered by anything. With a big smile and listening ears. I want those around me to know that I care because I listen and comfort without judging.
I want to be the best wife there is. Supporting my husband in all of his dreams. Caring for the household, children, etc... in a way that will cause him no concern or worry.
I want my life to be made up of moments I am proud of, not ones I regret. My words to be well thought out before escaping my lips.
I want a life filled with prayer. Prayer for my family, my husband and children, my friends. I love the quote "Learn to move man through God by prayer alone". I believe it was by Hudson Taylor.
I want to be always peaceful, no matter what my circumstances, firmly believing that all of my situations are well thought out especially for me by a loving Father.
That's about it!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Diet. ugh.
I LOVE food. I love to eat it, to wake up thinking about it, to think where I want to go for breakfast, then a few hours later, what I might have for lunch, and finally, what is in store for dinner.
Being on a diet is really a drag when you love food as much as I do.
Not that I am on a diet.
Oh no, it makes you feel like you might be denying yourself when you say the negative word, "diet", and then that makes you want to cheat and then to quit. And, once you quit a diet, you gain even more weight than you've lost and then where are you? Needing to diet all over, and for longer. Alas.
So, my dear husband and I are NOT dieting, we are eating more sensibly. Making better food decisions. Watching our portion sizes. Trying to be more healthy.
Yet, what about when you do all of that, and no weight comes off.
What about when you are on the stationary bike for 35 minutes in the morning. Then later in the day you take a brisk 2 mile or more walk. And then for another half an hour you do a relaxing, yet ab and quad working QiGong for weight loss DVD. Then what, as you have your salad for lunch (with low fat dressing) after your steel cut oatmeal with nectarine for breakfast, and revel in your great food choices and exercise regime. Then when you don't lose any weight either, then what???
That is what I want to know.
So, then you try to psych yourself into thinking that you never were trying to lose weight anyway. That you were only trying to get healthy and you MUST be somewhat healthier, what with all the great choices you've been making. (One time, when I was under a lot of stress and teaching 4th grade to lots of naughty children that hated each other, I lost weight on accident. I lost 12 pounds, without consciously eating better.)
You think you might trick your body into shedding a few pounds by telling it that you are not in fact trying to lose weight at all.
My body is not buying it. Not this time.
It is the same weight and has been the same for the last 7 weeks, seemingly no matter what I do, what I eat or how I try to psych my body out.
So, anyways, a little diet venting. Make that, healthy choice venting.
It is important to love myself the way I am. Right now. I do, I don't look bad, pretty good. Perfect is not in the cards for me and perfect can also be boring right?
Who wants to be boring?
It would be easier to be peaceful in this whole happy with myself being healthy thing if my dear wonderful husband had not lost 16 pounds without half trying. Then he mentions that it is a mind thing. AAAAAAAAAhhhhh. I felt like Miss Piggy there right before a well aimed karate chop at her beloved Kermit.
We almost weight the exact same weight!! He is a mere 3 pounds heavier than me. That is 1/4 of the weight of my cat. The weight of a small chihuahua. Yet he is 2 inches taller.
He does look good though, great actually.
Time to go enjoy some deviled eggs and lemon muffins I made for our apartment get-together. mmmmmmmmmm, yummy.
Being on a diet is really a drag when you love food as much as I do.
Not that I am on a diet.
Oh no, it makes you feel like you might be denying yourself when you say the negative word, "diet", and then that makes you want to cheat and then to quit. And, once you quit a diet, you gain even more weight than you've lost and then where are you? Needing to diet all over, and for longer. Alas.
So, my dear husband and I are NOT dieting, we are eating more sensibly. Making better food decisions. Watching our portion sizes. Trying to be more healthy.
Yet, what about when you do all of that, and no weight comes off.
What about when you are on the stationary bike for 35 minutes in the morning. Then later in the day you take a brisk 2 mile or more walk. And then for another half an hour you do a relaxing, yet ab and quad working QiGong for weight loss DVD. Then what, as you have your salad for lunch (with low fat dressing) after your steel cut oatmeal with nectarine for breakfast, and revel in your great food choices and exercise regime. Then when you don't lose any weight either, then what???
That is what I want to know.
So, then you try to psych yourself into thinking that you never were trying to lose weight anyway. That you were only trying to get healthy and you MUST be somewhat healthier, what with all the great choices you've been making. (One time, when I was under a lot of stress and teaching 4th grade to lots of naughty children that hated each other, I lost weight on accident. I lost 12 pounds, without consciously eating better.)
You think you might trick your body into shedding a few pounds by telling it that you are not in fact trying to lose weight at all.
My body is not buying it. Not this time.
It is the same weight and has been the same for the last 7 weeks, seemingly no matter what I do, what I eat or how I try to psych my body out.
So, anyways, a little diet venting. Make that, healthy choice venting.
It is important to love myself the way I am. Right now. I do, I don't look bad, pretty good. Perfect is not in the cards for me and perfect can also be boring right?
Who wants to be boring?
It would be easier to be peaceful in this whole happy with myself being healthy thing if my dear wonderful husband had not lost 16 pounds without half trying. Then he mentions that it is a mind thing. AAAAAAAAAhhhhh. I felt like Miss Piggy there right before a well aimed karate chop at her beloved Kermit.
We almost weight the exact same weight!! He is a mere 3 pounds heavier than me. That is 1/4 of the weight of my cat. The weight of a small chihuahua. Yet he is 2 inches taller.
He does look good though, great actually.
Time to go enjoy some deviled eggs and lemon muffins I made for our apartment get-together. mmmmmmmmmm, yummy.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Writer!!
What makes a writer?? I am writing every day, want to go to bed, need to write, want to go to bed, need to write, ack. Because I read that that makes a good writer.
There are definitely a lot of writers out there. They can't all have started when they were young, written forever and then finally became published right? I could do it, even starting so late in life, right?
I remember reading a little about the history of the author of my favorite children's books, Winnie the Pooh. E. E. Milne, how I wish you'd started writing on accident, without any formal training, but just came up with your stories out of the blue. You told your son a story and boom, it became the best children's book ever. Yet, that is not how it was, you wrote tons of plays and articles and even books before this and were surprised that this is what you became known for. Alas.
I would like to be published, to give book talks at book stores, to be known among teachers. Hey have you read this to your kids yet? It is great!!! That's what I'd love.
I have been thinking, what would I love to do? What can I wake up in the morning looking forward to doing? It was not teaching. That usually just made me frustrated and tired at the end of the day. Although I did love the kids so much and really miss interracting with them. It is actually nothing I have ever done before. Never have I woken up in the morning looking forward to what the days' work would hold for me.
I have felt very peaceful though, not working right now. I have felt relieved and relaxed the last week or so. Also that I have been taking care of myself well, with my eating and exercising.
So, my current goal, until I learn other ways to become a great writer, is to write every day even when I want to go to sleep. whew.
There are definitely a lot of writers out there. They can't all have started when they were young, written forever and then finally became published right? I could do it, even starting so late in life, right?
I remember reading a little about the history of the author of my favorite children's books, Winnie the Pooh. E. E. Milne, how I wish you'd started writing on accident, without any formal training, but just came up with your stories out of the blue. You told your son a story and boom, it became the best children's book ever. Yet, that is not how it was, you wrote tons of plays and articles and even books before this and were surprised that this is what you became known for. Alas.
I would like to be published, to give book talks at book stores, to be known among teachers. Hey have you read this to your kids yet? It is great!!! That's what I'd love.
I have been thinking, what would I love to do? What can I wake up in the morning looking forward to doing? It was not teaching. That usually just made me frustrated and tired at the end of the day. Although I did love the kids so much and really miss interracting with them. It is actually nothing I have ever done before. Never have I woken up in the morning looking forward to what the days' work would hold for me.
I have felt very peaceful though, not working right now. I have felt relieved and relaxed the last week or so. Also that I have been taking care of myself well, with my eating and exercising.
So, my current goal, until I learn other ways to become a great writer, is to write every day even when I want to go to sleep. whew.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Sweet Adelines (2)
I feel like I made it sound like all we care about is competitions when I wrote about the my wonderful experiences with my various choruses of the Sweet Adelines. It is so not all about competitions, although they are exciting and fun. I feel like I know how those guys on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance feel when the judges are pausing before giving the results. I am almost amazed that I can't see their hearts fluttering beneath their costumes, with my HD television.
But, the Sweet Adelines is about women coming together who love to sing. But who also love to come together. It is a great community.
I was supported with care and tears as I went through my breast cancer diagnosis and treatments. We have sessions where you get to sing with a quartet and someone else who sings your part is there just listening to you (kind of nerve wracking), who then coaches you on how you can improve in the special dynamics required by your part.
When someone gets sick, we send bountiful cards and e-mails and visits. Once we had a member in the hospital on her birthday and we called her after chorus and sang a special harmonized happy birthday song to her.
We are also encouraged to start our own quartets. We can have "kitchen" quartets, who get together whenever they can and learn a few songs. We can have quartets who learn a repertoire of their own songs and "audition" in front of the chorus. If we are good, we can then accept invitations to sing at events, when these occasions arise. We also have quartets who compete regionally with the hopes of getting to the international stage to receive that coveted title "Queen of Harmony". Then you get a crown to wear whenever you go to regional or international events. It means your quartet won first place.
But I think the best part of being part of a chorus, apart from the improvement in my own singing voice, is the time away from everything else, when I can forget everything in my own life and focus on something I enjoy with other women I respect and love.
But, the Sweet Adelines is about women coming together who love to sing. But who also love to come together. It is a great community.
I was supported with care and tears as I went through my breast cancer diagnosis and treatments. We have sessions where you get to sing with a quartet and someone else who sings your part is there just listening to you (kind of nerve wracking), who then coaches you on how you can improve in the special dynamics required by your part.
When someone gets sick, we send bountiful cards and e-mails and visits. Once we had a member in the hospital on her birthday and we called her after chorus and sang a special harmonized happy birthday song to her.
We are also encouraged to start our own quartets. We can have "kitchen" quartets, who get together whenever they can and learn a few songs. We can have quartets who learn a repertoire of their own songs and "audition" in front of the chorus. If we are good, we can then accept invitations to sing at events, when these occasions arise. We also have quartets who compete regionally with the hopes of getting to the international stage to receive that coveted title "Queen of Harmony". Then you get a crown to wear whenever you go to regional or international events. It means your quartet won first place.
But I think the best part of being part of a chorus, apart from the improvement in my own singing voice, is the time away from everything else, when I can forget everything in my own life and focus on something I enjoy with other women I respect and love.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Sweet Adelines
I have been practicing the new songs I am to learn for the "Daytimers", a smaller version made up of some of the members of the bigger chorus I am in called the Bay Area Showcase Chorus.
Back in 2003, when we had moved back to Columbus from Orlando, I came across a flier at a coffee shop. It advertised an acapella workshop with a chorus in Columbus called the Scioto Valley Chorus. I had not idea what to expect, but had enjoyed singing in high school and college and missed it. It sounded like fun.
We had a nice day of learning songs and eating chili and then everyone who wanted to could perform together at a park for any family etc.. It was enjoyable. I found out that I was a tenor. In the world of barbershop singing, the top part is the tenor, then the lead (which is usually the melody), then the baritone and then the bass. I'd always wanted to learn to harmonize, but since I was a soprano, it never really came up. I was always singing the melody.
I was hooked.
I joined the chorus in Columbus. There were about 60 members. We were considered a mid-size chorus. At the regional competition, we placed first among mid-size choruses and second overall.
The world is split into regions and there is a yearly competition for each region. There is both a quartet competition and a chorus competition at each regional event.
To compete on the international stage, you have to get first place for your region. Which is hard for a mid-size chorus to do when you are competing against choruses that are significantly bigger than you are. It is easier for larger choruses to sustain their sound on the softer notes and it is easier for a tenuous or weaker voice to hide among the other singers. Not that it is impossible to beat a large chorus. Just a lot harder.
During this time I had my breast cancer. I didn't join any support groups, even though perhaps I should have. But chorus provided me with many women who cared about me and a focus that was not my own situation. I could try to improve my singing and focus on our current repertoire or our preparation for a competition or a show and think about nothing else. It was wonderful.
Two years after joining that chorus, my husband and I moved to Pittsburgh.
I realized how important the chorus was to me by getting online immediately and seeing what my options were to join a chorus in Pennsylvania. I e-mailed a few and as soon as I got to Pittsburgh, joined the Greater Harmony Chorus.
Once again, I loved it. Surprisingly the repertoire of songs were all different, so a lot of new learning had to take place. But I didn't mind. I knew how things were supposed to go and did not stress if I had to wait a while to join into a performance. I gave myself time to learn.
A few years later, we moved here to California. Immediately I began looking for a chorus here and found one. It is different to be in such a large chorus. This chorus has competed internationally many times, about every other year for the last 20 years. I am excited to compete and will be on the stage in Nashville in October.
Nashville is so close to the places I've lived before, I am hoping old friends from my other two choruses will be able to come to see me sing.
I remember sitting in a car, talking to my husband about what it meant to me to be in a chorus for the first time since I was a freshman in college. I almost cried. I thought my singing days were over, that the chorus experience was only for professionals or school days. Not so. What a wonderful organization that can support singing for all ages, at all levels of participation. Some of the members are younger, full time employees, straggling into chorus tired after a long day with work and children. Others are older, retired, or working part time and chorus is a big planned time of their week. Of course potlucks are always fun too!
The chorus meets so many needs for so many people.
Back in 2003, when we had moved back to Columbus from Orlando, I came across a flier at a coffee shop. It advertised an acapella workshop with a chorus in Columbus called the Scioto Valley Chorus. I had not idea what to expect, but had enjoyed singing in high school and college and missed it. It sounded like fun.
We had a nice day of learning songs and eating chili and then everyone who wanted to could perform together at a park for any family etc.. It was enjoyable. I found out that I was a tenor. In the world of barbershop singing, the top part is the tenor, then the lead (which is usually the melody), then the baritone and then the bass. I'd always wanted to learn to harmonize, but since I was a soprano, it never really came up. I was always singing the melody.
I was hooked.
I joined the chorus in Columbus. There were about 60 members. We were considered a mid-size chorus. At the regional competition, we placed first among mid-size choruses and second overall.
The world is split into regions and there is a yearly competition for each region. There is both a quartet competition and a chorus competition at each regional event.
To compete on the international stage, you have to get first place for your region. Which is hard for a mid-size chorus to do when you are competing against choruses that are significantly bigger than you are. It is easier for larger choruses to sustain their sound on the softer notes and it is easier for a tenuous or weaker voice to hide among the other singers. Not that it is impossible to beat a large chorus. Just a lot harder.
During this time I had my breast cancer. I didn't join any support groups, even though perhaps I should have. But chorus provided me with many women who cared about me and a focus that was not my own situation. I could try to improve my singing and focus on our current repertoire or our preparation for a competition or a show and think about nothing else. It was wonderful.
Two years after joining that chorus, my husband and I moved to Pittsburgh.
I realized how important the chorus was to me by getting online immediately and seeing what my options were to join a chorus in Pennsylvania. I e-mailed a few and as soon as I got to Pittsburgh, joined the Greater Harmony Chorus.
Once again, I loved it. Surprisingly the repertoire of songs were all different, so a lot of new learning had to take place. But I didn't mind. I knew how things were supposed to go and did not stress if I had to wait a while to join into a performance. I gave myself time to learn.
A few years later, we moved here to California. Immediately I began looking for a chorus here and found one. It is different to be in such a large chorus. This chorus has competed internationally many times, about every other year for the last 20 years. I am excited to compete and will be on the stage in Nashville in October.
Nashville is so close to the places I've lived before, I am hoping old friends from my other two choruses will be able to come to see me sing.
I remember sitting in a car, talking to my husband about what it meant to me to be in a chorus for the first time since I was a freshman in college. I almost cried. I thought my singing days were over, that the chorus experience was only for professionals or school days. Not so. What a wonderful organization that can support singing for all ages, at all levels of participation. Some of the members are younger, full time employees, straggling into chorus tired after a long day with work and children. Others are older, retired, or working part time and chorus is a big planned time of their week. Of course potlucks are always fun too!
The chorus meets so many needs for so many people.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Cancer Sucks
I think this whole blogging thing is kind of weird. Firstly, is anybody ever going to read it? Secondly, do I want anybody to read it? Thirdly, how do I play the fence about how personal or not personal to get?
It is good because it makes me feel more accountable, like, even if my mom is the only one reading it, it is still important to write every day. Who knows, maybe my kid will want to read it someday. I feel like there is a lot in me that needs to come out and what better way to do it, than in a blog that will remain as long as I want it. I also type a lot faster than I write and feel that more will come out than if I were just writing in a journal.
Anyways, maybe I will talk about cancer today.
Cancer sucks. (Someday I will buy that Cancer Sucks t-shirt.)
I was watching the favorite dance of the first 5 seasons of so you think you can dance today. The favorite was the breast cancer dance. It made me cry. Seeing the strength to support from the husband figure, as well as the hopelessness of the cancer survivor at the same time reminded me a bit of me.
When I was told that I had breast cancer, I remember thinking, hmmmm, I am not worried about dying. I am still hearing the rest of what the doctor is saying. In all the stories I've heard, hearing that you have cancer makes time stop and the only thing you can think is that it is all over. Not so for me.
But the hopelessness is there. The feeling that no matter what any doctor says, something is now withing me that has taken over. That has more power than I do. That can come again at any time and end my life as I know it. Cancer is so hard to find. It can stealthily move within you and relocate to somewhere that it might be impossible to find.
After my treatments, radiation, chemotherapy, surgery, etc... I am still on surveillance. It is one of the hardest parts. Every year I have to go for a mammogram. In a young person, under 50, the tissue in the breast is very dense and mammograms don't show much. So, usually I then have to have an ultrasound to see things differently. Then, there are some suspicious things that the doctors "wouldn't worry about in someone who has not had cancer, but with you, we want to check out". And then I have a MRI, or a needle biopsy. It has happened a few times in the last 5 years, this whole rigamarole of one thing after another. Then the dread time waiting for the phone call that everything is alright and they want to check again in another 6 months or whatever it is.
I went to the doctor a few months ago. So intent on hearing that I'm okay. That the 5 years are up and now I can worry less. But, the doctor felt something, in the same place as the previous cancer had been. Then came the mammogram and the ultrasound. A stern word from the radiologist that I need to have all of my MRI films in one place so they can look at them and do comparisons. Something of a difficult task when you have lived in 3 states since the prognosis. After finally getting them all there, and waiting, and waiting, I called and found out that they are not worried, just come back in 6 months.
So much for that 5 year end of worrying point. It seems not to exist for me.
Here's hoping that the pregnancy doesn't spike my estrogen and cause another breast cancer. Whenever the pregnancy happens that is.
Life is definitely precious.
My saying after cancer was "You only live once".
We have to find out what we love and do that. I am loving blogging. It is maybe therapeutic?
It is good because it makes me feel more accountable, like, even if my mom is the only one reading it, it is still important to write every day. Who knows, maybe my kid will want to read it someday. I feel like there is a lot in me that needs to come out and what better way to do it, than in a blog that will remain as long as I want it. I also type a lot faster than I write and feel that more will come out than if I were just writing in a journal.
Anyways, maybe I will talk about cancer today.
Cancer sucks. (Someday I will buy that Cancer Sucks t-shirt.)
I was watching the favorite dance of the first 5 seasons of so you think you can dance today. The favorite was the breast cancer dance. It made me cry. Seeing the strength to support from the husband figure, as well as the hopelessness of the cancer survivor at the same time reminded me a bit of me.
When I was told that I had breast cancer, I remember thinking, hmmmm, I am not worried about dying. I am still hearing the rest of what the doctor is saying. In all the stories I've heard, hearing that you have cancer makes time stop and the only thing you can think is that it is all over. Not so for me.
But the hopelessness is there. The feeling that no matter what any doctor says, something is now withing me that has taken over. That has more power than I do. That can come again at any time and end my life as I know it. Cancer is so hard to find. It can stealthily move within you and relocate to somewhere that it might be impossible to find.
After my treatments, radiation, chemotherapy, surgery, etc... I am still on surveillance. It is one of the hardest parts. Every year I have to go for a mammogram. In a young person, under 50, the tissue in the breast is very dense and mammograms don't show much. So, usually I then have to have an ultrasound to see things differently. Then, there are some suspicious things that the doctors "wouldn't worry about in someone who has not had cancer, but with you, we want to check out". And then I have a MRI, or a needle biopsy. It has happened a few times in the last 5 years, this whole rigamarole of one thing after another. Then the dread time waiting for the phone call that everything is alright and they want to check again in another 6 months or whatever it is.
I went to the doctor a few months ago. So intent on hearing that I'm okay. That the 5 years are up and now I can worry less. But, the doctor felt something, in the same place as the previous cancer had been. Then came the mammogram and the ultrasound. A stern word from the radiologist that I need to have all of my MRI films in one place so they can look at them and do comparisons. Something of a difficult task when you have lived in 3 states since the prognosis. After finally getting them all there, and waiting, and waiting, I called and found out that they are not worried, just come back in 6 months.
So much for that 5 year end of worrying point. It seems not to exist for me.
Here's hoping that the pregnancy doesn't spike my estrogen and cause another breast cancer. Whenever the pregnancy happens that is.
Life is definitely precious.
My saying after cancer was "You only live once".
We have to find out what we love and do that. I am loving blogging. It is maybe therapeutic?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Teaching with Love and Logic
One book that I read as I prepared for my master's paper on classroom management was Teaching with Love and Logic. It became one of the best books I've ever read relating to both classroom teaching as well as raising kids.
I have no kids yet, as I've mentioned but excel at giving advise to those around me who have kids. At least I can point to my teaching experience and say that I have learned a thing or two over the years and most of what I preach, I have practiced.
One integral part of interacting with children is giving them choices which helps them to feel that they are in control of a situation.
You have to make up the choices that you believe fit the situation and you have to not really care which one is picked. If you are leaning in a certain direction, the child will recognize that and pick the choice you did not really want.
One example in the book is that it is bedtime and the father asks his young child, do you want to go upstairs with your feet touching the stairs or not. Basically, you are going to go to bed and I can carry you if you want, but stated in a much less demanding way.
When I used to teach fourth grade, I practiced wording things including choices in a way that would make my students feel they were in control. As we were lining up to go to lunch, I would say "We could go now, or if you'd like to sit back down and get ready more, we could always go later. You guys are in complete control if we go now or later." letting them know that I was happy whichever way they chose and had confidence in them that they would make the right decision.
Basically, "If you can't settle down you are going to sit back down until you can, whether you are late for lunch or not, I don't care. They pay me either way." (Sound like some words from a classroom of your childhood?
My better chosen words were great though because the kids would say things like "I want to go to lunch now, hey you, be quiet, we need to go to lunch, do you want to go later?" and a couple of "shut up, we want to go to lunch". Much better the kids saying it to each other than me saying it to them.
Using the wording of choice, I noticed that my kids stood up taller, they realized they were in control and they could use that newly found confidence to get the other students to buy in.
I used these methods to avoid nagging at all costs. I hate hearing nagging and I hate doing it.
I have no kids yet, as I've mentioned but excel at giving advise to those around me who have kids. At least I can point to my teaching experience and say that I have learned a thing or two over the years and most of what I preach, I have practiced.
One integral part of interacting with children is giving them choices which helps them to feel that they are in control of a situation.
You have to make up the choices that you believe fit the situation and you have to not really care which one is picked. If you are leaning in a certain direction, the child will recognize that and pick the choice you did not really want.
One example in the book is that it is bedtime and the father asks his young child, do you want to go upstairs with your feet touching the stairs or not. Basically, you are going to go to bed and I can carry you if you want, but stated in a much less demanding way.
When I used to teach fourth grade, I practiced wording things including choices in a way that would make my students feel they were in control. As we were lining up to go to lunch, I would say "We could go now, or if you'd like to sit back down and get ready more, we could always go later. You guys are in complete control if we go now or later." letting them know that I was happy whichever way they chose and had confidence in them that they would make the right decision.
Basically, "If you can't settle down you are going to sit back down until you can, whether you are late for lunch or not, I don't care. They pay me either way." (Sound like some words from a classroom of your childhood?
My better chosen words were great though because the kids would say things like "I want to go to lunch now, hey you, be quiet, we need to go to lunch, do you want to go later?" and a couple of "shut up, we want to go to lunch". Much better the kids saying it to each other than me saying it to them.
Using the wording of choice, I noticed that my kids stood up taller, they realized they were in control and they could use that newly found confidence to get the other students to buy in.
I used these methods to avoid nagging at all costs. I hate hearing nagging and I hate doing it.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Choices
When I was researching for my masters paper, which was on classroom management, I came across an author named William Glasser. It is true to say that he changed my life.
His work is based on what he calls Choice Theory. In a nutshell that means you always have a choice. Your situation or circumstances don't decide your behavior for you, you decide your behavior.
Obviously this relates to managing children, the more they are aware that they are in control of their behavior, that everything they do is the result of a decision they made to do that thing, they can make better decisions.
But, as I was studying it, I was practicing it.
An example Glasser used is our vocabulary. When something bad happens we can become "depressed", but he calls it "we are depressing" or choosing to depress about something. If we make a different choice, go hang out with positive friends for the evening or change our surroundings to make ourselves feel better, we are choosing not to dwell in that depression. We can control how we feel.
One example I experienced was when I was at the movie theater. People sitting close to me were being a little talkative and I was worried that when the movie started, they would continue to talk. As I was becoming annoyed, I stopped myself and reminded myself to analyze my choices. I could remain where I was sitting and therefore be choosing to remain near talkers. I could get up and move to a quieter area of the theater and risk being perceived as rude. I decided to stay where I was and risk that they would continue talking. They stopped when the movie started. But, my feeling changed immediately. I realized that staying there was my decision and I couldn't get annoyed about it because I had decided not to change it by moving.
So, here I am, whole days to fill. I can choose to sit at home the whole day and think about what there is not to do. I can count the hours until my husband gets home and then bug him to do things with me. I can watch television all day and feel like a slacker as my brain slowly deteriorates into pudding.
Or, I can make a schedule for myself, force myself to get outside, go for walks, go to the library, enrich myself with interesting readings, exercise to feel healthy, find classes to take and people to be with. Find some sort of book club, find mothers who are at home and try to be with them etc...
Apparently it is important for me to be with people and not alone. It is important for me to try to feel productive.
So, I must choose to meet those needs and avoid the feeling of having nothing to do.
It is empowering to realize that your emotions are in your control.
His work is based on what he calls Choice Theory. In a nutshell that means you always have a choice. Your situation or circumstances don't decide your behavior for you, you decide your behavior.
Obviously this relates to managing children, the more they are aware that they are in control of their behavior, that everything they do is the result of a decision they made to do that thing, they can make better decisions.
But, as I was studying it, I was practicing it.
An example Glasser used is our vocabulary. When something bad happens we can become "depressed", but he calls it "we are depressing" or choosing to depress about something. If we make a different choice, go hang out with positive friends for the evening or change our surroundings to make ourselves feel better, we are choosing not to dwell in that depression. We can control how we feel.
One example I experienced was when I was at the movie theater. People sitting close to me were being a little talkative and I was worried that when the movie started, they would continue to talk. As I was becoming annoyed, I stopped myself and reminded myself to analyze my choices. I could remain where I was sitting and therefore be choosing to remain near talkers. I could get up and move to a quieter area of the theater and risk being perceived as rude. I decided to stay where I was and risk that they would continue talking. They stopped when the movie started. But, my feeling changed immediately. I realized that staying there was my decision and I couldn't get annoyed about it because I had decided not to change it by moving.
So, here I am, whole days to fill. I can choose to sit at home the whole day and think about what there is not to do. I can count the hours until my husband gets home and then bug him to do things with me. I can watch television all day and feel like a slacker as my brain slowly deteriorates into pudding.
Or, I can make a schedule for myself, force myself to get outside, go for walks, go to the library, enrich myself with interesting readings, exercise to feel healthy, find classes to take and people to be with. Find some sort of book club, find mothers who are at home and try to be with them etc...
Apparently it is important for me to be with people and not alone. It is important for me to try to feel productive.
So, I must choose to meet those needs and avoid the feeling of having nothing to do.
It is empowering to realize that your emotions are in your control.
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