IVF (2)

As my last post implied, I was concerned with my low follicle numbers.

I go in for the egg retrieval, my hopes high that there would be at least one viable embryo produced from my 4 mature follicles.

My doctor came to my bed afterwards and said that he had bad news. I know he is a very hopeful kind of doctor, so for him to say that meant really bad news. No eggs found in the follicles. Nothing to work with at all. He said this has happened to him maybe 1 time a year out of the 500-600 egg retrievals that he does. I did some quick middle school math and realized that was 0.2% of the time. (Less likely to happen than my getting cancer at 28, which was a 1 in 250 chance, 0.4% likely. Fred says that the Lord either really hates me or really loves me. )

The doctor said that I should be extra fertile for the next few months and to keep trying naturally of course and then to schedule a follow up appointment to talk to him again in a few weeks. (Not sure if we'll do that.)

It means that we were reimbursed for the up front payment for the ICSI (which is the putting of the sperm into the eggs) and for the PGD (the chromosomal testing of the embryos before they are put back in) and for the rest of the IVF cycle. I'd have rather gotten the money back at this point than done all of that work on the two embryos that might be made. My numbers were so low.

The lady going into egg retrieval after me said to the nurse that she had 14 follicles in each ovary. I had a measly 4 in total.

Of course, I went home and got online to try to figure out what this "no eggs" thing meant. It has a name, Empty Follicle Syndrome, and that refers to whenever an egg retrieval is done and less than half of the follicles result in the aspiration of eggs. I guess it is a little mysterious. It can happen if your hCG trigger shot is given incorrectly or at the wrong time. (But they did a blood test before the retrieval that proved that I had taken it correctly, lots of hCG still flowing through my blood.) It can happen if you are old and out of eggs, not my case either since I've been pregnant as recently as January. I guess it is also the result of doctor error. This doctor is so prolific in his work and has been working at this for so long that I don't think that was my case either. It can also be that the eggs are already chromosomally damaged and they have trouble detaching from the sides of the follicles and are almost impossible to get out surgically. I think this was probably my case since my previous pregnancies have resulted in chromosomally abnormal fetuses.

I have been thinking about other things now. Egg donation. Embryo adoption. But not fully. I still think that we can have our own babies if we try a bit more, naturally. In a year or so, I guess we'll think further about more things. After our savings account has recuperated from this current blow.

IVF

Alas,

I have been trying the IVF. A whole new experience. Not so fun.

For those of you who have no idea what this is, I'll give a quick explanation. (The teacher in me just loves to explain things!)

When a couple is having trouble making a baby, for whatever reason, maybe the woman can't get pregnant or is having repeated miscarriages, or they are just getting older and watching the clock tick faster and faster, IVF is a way to take things into your own hands and increase the odds that you will have a pregnancy.

The procedure stimulates the growth of the eggs in the ovary, the doctor goes in and takes out as many eggs as grow big enough, then injects the sperm into the eggs to make embryos, then after a few days the healthy embryos are placed into the uterus and hopefully pregnancy happens.

If you are suspect about the health of the embryos you can choose to have each embryo tested before it is put in to see if there are chromosomal abnormalities. I am going to do this because I have already had 2 miscarriages that were the fault of abnormal embryos, as well as 2 chemical pregnancies, also probably the fault of chromosomal abnormalities.

Firstly my husband and I had to do lots of blood tests, I needed a sonogram, he needed to have his sperm analyzed, I needed to get my immunology looked at and adjusted a bit. The fertility doctor had to check to see how many resting follicles that there were in my ovaries, he saw 9. (not a lot) Secondly, I started to take injectable drugs. For the last 9 days I have been taking 6 shots a day into my stomach (given by myself, 3 in the morning and 3 in the evening). One of the drugs is to stop ovulation and the other two drugs is to stimulate the resting follicles to grow. Basically my ovaries have been feeling constipated, which they are!

Today, we went in to see how the follicles were progressing. Alas, there are only 5 that are of a largish size and that will probably be retrievable. The expectation is that maybe 1/2 of those will become embryos when all is said and done. When you are 36 as I am, 2/3 of the eggs have chromosomal abnormalities, so when you do the math, there may or may not be any healthy embryos made at all.

We were hoping to have twins and be done (a very scary hope I know, as twins are supposed to be tons of work) but it is now looking like we'll be really lucky to even have one healthy embryo to put in. And once it is put in, who knows if it will take root and grow or not.

So, it was a frustrating morning. We're trying not to think of the statistics and likelyhood of things not working when the numbers are so low and praying that there will be at least one healthy embryo and that it will be successful.

I'm restless, hoped writing this would make me work through things more in my brain.

Whole 30- Much later

So, it's been a while since I've written.

I was a little mad at the Whole 30 when I finished because I lost only 3 pounds, and then after the trip to Florida, I gained 2 back. Alas.

It was probably unreasonable for me to expect that I'd lose a lot, since I've been already eating a very practical diet for a long time, the weight watchers for a while and then watching still closely since then. But I was a little annoyed.

Since the whole 30 ended, I've been making adjustments to it. I eat whole fat dairy products, as milk in coffee, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, high quality cheese. My stomach doesn't mind that at all.

I eat grains much less frequently, a bagel or french toast on the weekend when we go to breakfast. Or a hamburger bun or rice or corn tortillas when we go out to eat. Not that big of a deal. My stomach doesn't much like the bagels, they feel very heavy for about 3 hours. (But there is this amazing salmon platter at Barrone that I can't do without, so I have it every few weeks.)

Otherwise, close to Paleo at home and not as close eating out.

It feels good, my digestive system is functioning really well.

My normal breakfast is a 2 egg omelet with spinach, tomato and some cheese, with a small cut up avocado on the side with green salsa on top. Very tasty and keeps me filled for about 5 hours.

Then a small lunch, maybe roasted vegetables, or chicken salad.

Dinner is usually some paleo dinner that I make. I have found lots of good websites with recipes.

I notice that when I have some sugar I usually want more. I like dessert and crave it sometimes. But not usually more than once a week or so.

I have begun to see grains kind of like sawdust. A filler with almost no nutritional value. So, I try to fill myself with vegetables, fat, meat, protein, and high fat dairy, so that whatever that goes in does have some value. I may do the whole 30 again, it seems like a good idea to reset things, remind myself that the dairy, no matter how much I love it, is not necessary. I can live without many things in my diet. I guess it reminds me that I control what I eat and doing something strict is possible and healthy.